Thursday 22 September 2011

Slipping away

she waited for him
whisk her
magnificent castle

one day,
long awaited knock at door
shoe in hand

she tried it but it didn't fit her

regretfully, he said
she wasn't  “it”

she closed door

opening hope chest,

unwrapped matching shoe 
slim, fragile glass


reflecting woman,
wider in girth, dark with soot

outside, rain poured     




Author's Note:   Flash Fiction Friday - Tell a story in 55 words - G-Man.

Poet's United:   Thursday Think Tank:   RainWhen I think of rain, it connotes sad and/or reflective moments for me.  

Poetry Jam - a twist in a fairy tale of someone with a glass slipper.  What if?

Picture credit:   http://silent-musings.tumblr.com/

41 comments:

  1. OH you told the story of love and pain to perfection my friend

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  2. I didn't expect she had the shoe's mate hidden away. Poor thing. Doesn't she know there are other shoes and other princes?

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  3. if the prince would not have waited so long perhaps it would have fit...nice remodel on cinderella

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  4. Another sad rain poem. I am glad I live where I can like it when it rains! Your story had an interesting twist with the glass slipper mate--and the rain did cast a mood.

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  5. what else she got in that hope chest? video games? magazines? i guess i'm thinking of what i'd have in a hope chest:) i swear i don't have one.

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  6. Ah, but if that Prince had looked in a mirror, I bet he wasn't quite so fair anymore either... sounds like she was better off without him.

    This was a great twist and I really liked it.

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  7. I think that girl switched sides!
    But never mind that, your story ROCKED!!
    It was interesting, and perfect!
    Loved your 55 Heaven
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

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  8. Wow quite the story in 55
    I second the you rocked it at your hive.
    Heaven sure is alive
    With quite the jive.
    haha oh that was sad
    Just a tad

    Oh and fyi, my post tomorrow morning I blame on you, it was sure interesting to do..haha

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  9. beautiful 55, the sketch makes one wonder for more..

    it is fascinating to see you add grace and fantasy to the Cinderella story.

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  10. A great combination of several prompts... please check Imaginary Garden with Real Toads on Friday...

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  11. Loved it - one of my WIPs is using fairy tales as the base - this was a nice twist and an inspiration - thanks
    Happy weekend

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  12. Oh what a cool rain poem. Love the final lines and the image suits the poem perfectly.

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  13. Oh, what time can do to a girl...never mind her hopes! :)

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  14. nice one...the allusion works so well here

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  15. The choices we make! thanks-

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  16. Another one who's not Cinderella, eh? Nice 55 tale.

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  17. Some day her prince will come. Guess she got her wish.

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  18. Very, very nice. Full of vivid imagery, a lovely write and even better, read.

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  19. I like the twist of your fairytale. Rain does cause me to be reflective. It's raining right now.

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  20. Great twist to the tale! Really cool, Heaven.

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  21. Sometimes the shoe just does not fit...better to figure that out before a long walk in the park. Wonderful writing Heaven. :-)

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  22. there is a deep pain hidden in this poem. a fairy tale with a twist and different viewpoint. cinderella meets beauty and the beast. awesome work.

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  23. Great retelling of the fairytale--and that would be my luck, too.

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  24. Excellent write!

    She's not the one. The last few lines denote depression of sorts. No details but you are left with that hint. This is such fresh angle on that old tale. And I don't think I like this prince very much, especially when he referred to what he is looking for as "it".

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  25. Rather sad. The imagery of rain falling compliments the gloom of not being 'the one'.

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  26. nice play here on "aschenputtel" how we call her in germany...when the shoes don't fit...one can always walk barefoot...with or without prince..smiles

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  27. lovly words...nice crafted lines!

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  28. His loss. He shouldn't have waited so long.

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  29. You know, I just noticed this morning that my right shoe was tighter than my left one. It makes me think that perhaps I'm not the one either :)

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  30. I read through this a few times before I could put a finger on how it made me feel. It was sad, yes, that he couldn't recognize her after time had changed her, and she wasn't "it" anymore. But she also didn't try and pretend she was still the girl he met at the ball so many years ago... she didn't plead, or produce the other shoe as proof. She just accepted that she was no longer what he was looking for anymore.

    It's very sad, but those are the saddest stories in the end, aren't they? The great romances that can't handle the inevitable change that comes with time? It almost made me feel hopeful... as if she was of strong enough character to hold out for someone who wanted her for who she was becoming, not who she was. The soot implies that she may have a long wait yet, but her hope (or my imagining of it) makes me feel a little optimistic somehow.

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  31. I don't know if you'll find this flattering, sweet, or silly; but the fact remains that I've nominated you as among my favorite "Versatile Bloggers" - details of the whole thing can be found on http://bastardconfessions.blogspot.com/2011/11/versatile-blogger-award.html - Oh, also I reproduced excerpts of some of my favorite posts. If, for any reason, you would like anything I wrote about you taken down don't hesitate to let me know.

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  32. Thanks Ethan...I appreciate your kind words ~

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  33. There is a melancholy mood to this scenario. The terse nature of your style allows the reader's mind to fill in the picture from their own perspective too.

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  34. Simply Beautiful

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