the wind picked up
at night, swirling of empty nests
and cluttered leaves-
sounds of crying rose,
reverberating the red-tiled roof
like a ship’s moaning
as it flounders in the unexpected rough sea-
until the trees, bare of songs and frost,
knelt, bowing down in reverence-
in the way of nature
everything passes, including storms.
the wind picked up
at night, swirling of empty nests
and cluttered pages-
reverberated from red-tiled roof-
a lover bemoaning
the quickness and parting of kisses –
wild and sweet-
the trees, bare of songs and frost,
trembled under the moon’s soulful eyes-
the storm passes,
taking everything of hallowed vows-
taking everything of hallowed vows-
Notes: I wrote this in two versions based on the weather last night. The fierce wind knocked out cable connections.
Posted for : Part I. Imaginary Garden for Real Toads - Ella's Edge - Wow!
and Part II. D'verse Poets Pub - Imagist poem
and Friday Flash Fiction - for the G-man - both in 55 words.
I really hope that storms pass for real....ReplyDelete
Me too ~ Thanks Dezzy ~Delete
nice...sounds like a storm, worth getting lost in...and the moon's soulful eyes...hmm..niceReplyDelete
The stormy cries were scary though ~ Thanks Claudia ~Delete
This is perfect for me right now as the wind is wild here in the desert, the palm trees bending over, fronds flying everywhere....and I have to take the dogs out to do their thing!ReplyDelete
Thank you for the wonderful prompt Victoria ~ The weather here is just as crazy ~Delete
nice...i like the near echo of the second part and bringing in the lover....smiled at the bemoaning how quick the kisses....ah that time goes by way too fast....smiles...ReplyDelete
Yes it does, though the wind's howling was frightening to hear ~ Thank you Brian ~Delete
Very wonderful to read, and the second seems to expand on the first in a really wonderful way. Loved both of them!ReplyDelete
Its actually two versions of the "storm" ~Delete
Thank you Sherry ~
Somewhere between Norway and the UK and a storm comes out of nowhere as we sail for home. This bought that memory flooding back as I read the first part. The wind and the sea make a very powerful combination and I feel that reflected acutely in the first part.ReplyDelete
The potentially effect of storms in nature and in our relationships - a very effective juxtaposition of image and metaphor. I enjoyed reading these Grace.ReplyDelete
that should say "potentially destructive effect"Delete
Oh my goodness! How beautifully you write. If only the wind could blow some of that talent and inspiration my way.ReplyDelete
Cool because at first I thought it was a form that I didn't recognize and not two seperate poems. The two played off of each very well, maybe you invented a new form...lol. These both were fantastic...the first longing and hopeful, the second passionate and humble. Very cool to read them one after the other....loooovvvveedddd it!!!!!ReplyDelete
Whew, I can picture these storms, Grace. Everything passes, even storms!ReplyDelete
wonderful detail and story telling in this pieceReplyDelete
Enjoyed these so much, heavy wind storms are frightening, especially at night when the power goes,,makes one feel vulnerable to nature. But as you say "everything passes" and this storm has left us to enjoy your creativity.ReplyDelete
I do love the images and how we can be stripped bare, feel weakened but all passes eventually... nice :)ReplyDelete
I love the second the most but both of these are really good shots Heaven, hopefully the bad weather has died down a little now though, sounds like a real pain to me.ReplyDelete
Two ways of feeling the same storm-nice idea. I really like the second one, but the line in the first that you have about the ship was powerful for me. My first husband (deceased) was a deep sea welder and of course was at sea most of the time. That line brought the sense of lonely waiting for him to return back to me and how it felt inside not knowing if he would return safely. And the final time, when he did not return.ReplyDelete
I appreciate the personal share Anne ~ That must have been a challenging time in your life ~ Thank you for the visit ~Delete
"bare of songs and frost"--I don't know why this image speaks so powerfully to me, but so it does. Very nice work on both versions!ReplyDelete
Well, the trees outside are my inspiration ~ Thank you Nico ~Delete
Storms I hate, especially the snow ones, as they come, you sure caught the storms with ease, stronger than a breeze, that of life and that of nature.ReplyDelete
I hate snow storms too Pat ~ Funny weather, but it seems its going to be warmer by weekend ~Delete
Beautiful write, Grace.ReplyDelete
Thank you Ayala ~Delete
I like the concept of this written nearly identical in two parts. And I enjoyed the imagery as well. ~ peace, JasonReplyDelete
Thank you Jason ~Delete
It reminds me of how much I worry about the little birds and how they survive in the world. Drought, famine, freezing rain, snow, storms, predators... and they survive it all while I have on my fuzzy slippers and warm cocoa. How do they do it? How does the blood not freeze in those tiny little feet???ReplyDelete
Good question but I think animals are made to survive such storms ~ Thanks for the visit ~Delete
I really like this contrast of the two versions. Beautiful and sexy. Particularly love this line: "the trees, bare of songs and frost,ReplyDelete
trembled under the moon’s soulful eyes-"
Thank you Nara ~Delete
making love during a lightening and thunderstorm? I'm not sure it would ever happen in our house... all the dogs and kids pile in our room! :) This is, as usual, beautifully done (I feel bad making a joke as you worked so hard)ReplyDelete
Ha..ha...I hope you are feeling better ~ Thanks for the visit Margaret ~Delete
I do love both versions! I had to chuckle at Margaret's comment. Kids do change things. :-)ReplyDelete
I really don't know what to say, both versions were very beautifully brilliant, and passionate!
You my dear are a fantastic wordsmith.
Loved your double dipping 55's
We are all twice as lucky tonight.
Thanks for playing, you ROCK The Great White North Baby!!
Have a Kick Ass Week-End Eh?
There are storms to run from, or evacuate, and others to embrace what is true and real and yours. I loved the images and the presentation of tender but honest voice.ReplyDelete
I like them both. Very vivid. Sounds like it was a doozy!ReplyDelete
I like the two, like looking in a mirror. I'd like to be riding out that storm on a ship with a lover. Only thing better would be riding in a sleeper car through the Rocky Mountains in a thunderstorm.ReplyDelete
Brilliant write.... loved the way you bought it all together....ReplyDelete
Beautiful images giving layers of meaning.ReplyDelete
Wind swirled around
The trunks until they swayed
In catalytic collapse
Such a beautiful description of a storm....the wind picked up at night, swirling of empty nestsReplyDelete
and cluttered pages-lovely work!
...i see storms in different figures here... a rather intimate one and rings not too hard but more of an easy surrender... reading these two gives me different layers of imagination... clever Grace... smiles...ReplyDelete
nice. I do this quite a bit actually. Sometimes numerous versions. I really like how you put them both up here, while obviously similar, enough changed to enhance sections, really show the differences and love the hallowed vows in the second one. ThanksReplyDelete
I love the way you used the wind to set the scene - it can create a sense of isolation, then you peopled it with lovers who could make good use of the chance to be alone together.ReplyDelete
Heaven for a romantic. It captivated me.ReplyDelete
I think I prefer number one- But thanks for 2 versions! I love cryingReplyDelete
roses! great piece.
The two evokes different moods and conclusions. The first is metaphorical and descriptive, no matter how destructive, the storm does pass eventually. The second is something I recognize as more of your style and voice. The second one seems deeper, the storm seems fiercer connected to the passion of love and lovemaking, hints of trial overcome, it is more felt and it seems to me, raises more emotions that the first one.ReplyDelete
Both work very well - the heedlessness of the storm - when mother at nature at work, doesn't much care for what's below! And great 55s. thanks. k.ReplyDelete
Very close to Chinese's poetic description of lovemaking !ReplyDelete
the perfect storm. :)ReplyDelete
Thank you Grace for this breathtaking WOW! YOU and Mother Nature have aligned a true work of art~ :DReplyDelete
I am glad you posted both of these Grace. I was quite amazed how just a few changes made the poem into something quite different. That was a WOW for me (as well as the description of the storm--glad it passed). Write on!ReplyDelete
The deep meaning behind this poem is profound. Still trying to fully understand what it says to me about relationships. Beautiful.ReplyDelete
..stormy weather ...great imaging letting nature be your guide ;)ReplyDelete
A double whammy, and no mistake. Well done.:)ReplyDelete
relationships and storms are def comparable, no doubt about it.ReplyDelete
I really like the line 'the trees, bare of songs and frost,'ReplyDelete
and also your closing.
quite a stormy relationshipReplyDelete
This is so creative, Grace. I love the images and emotions in both poems. As always, you use all senses for vivid descriptions. Storms do pass, literally and metaphorically. Although you meant them to be separate, together they make a new poetry form! :)ReplyDelete
Congratulations, a poem very addictive, full of nuances like a night breeze.ReplyDelete
great take on the prompts AND in 55 words!ReplyDelete
have a wonderful week, Grace!
fabulous imagery in this poemReplyDelete