husky voice, you sing
soft silky touches, i singe
rose jasmine scent lingering
curled warm in my fingertips
rose jasmine scent lingering
curled warm in my fingertips
red plumed hips, you slay
heated kisses rain, i sway
unto you, enthralled
by spell lasting summer's tryst
spilling fire-lit autumn nights
Author's Note: The poetry form is tanka (or waka). This is an unrhymed Japanese poem consisting of five lines of 5/7/5/7/7 totaling 31 kana (Japanese units or syllables). From tanka's long history - over 1300 years recorded in Japan- the most famous use of the poetry form of tanka was as secret messages between lovers. Read here for more information about this beautiful form. To test my tanka, you can read lines 1,2,3 and 3,4,5 as two subjects sharing the same line 3.
For D'Verse Poets Pub, OpenLinkNight, Tuesday (every Tuesday) starting 3pm EST. Bring your poem (any form) and share warm company.
Shared with Purple Tree House- Poetic Form: Waka. Thank you, Shashi for the information. Shared with The Poetry Palace - Week 50.
Picture credit: http://temptingsweets99.tumblr.com/post/7124096052
This is lovely and the picture perfect.ReplyDelete
the passion in this is delicious...the flow delicate...and a nice explosion of heat there at the end...nice seasonal transition as well...autumn is my fav time of year...ReplyDelete
Your words are enthralling. Love the image, too.ReplyDelete
Oh! Thanks for the image credit. LOL! I'd missed it and forgot about this image being on my blog. ;-)ReplyDelete
Very passionate write, expect nothing less from you and the wonderful pic.ReplyDelete
Belo e sensual... cada palavra é uma doce caricia ardendo sobre a pele...ReplyDelete
i really love this poem.ReplyDelete
Have you ever read Longing by Mathew Arnold?
full of passion....wonderful :)ReplyDelete
lovely sensual words...nicely crafted lines!ReplyDelete
A very well done romantic tanka--passionate and sexy!ReplyDelete
Very good Heaven!ReplyDelete
You handled that all important pivot point very well.
Rhyming in tanka is generally avoided...in the Japanese, because with every word ending in a vowel, it's too easy, so generally poets avoid rhyming (in other languages) but I don't see why it isn't done in other languages besides Japanese. I think it's fine.
I would say this though. Tanka, in a classical sense (and of course we aren't classical, ancient tanka writers) usually approach their themes of love/lust/erotica with something of a veil...
This is in no way a criticism of your lovely two tanka, it's just something to consider.
This morning I got an email from a friend in Australia who is quite a name in this form. We were discussing this issue just this recently:
> tanka is more a form of direct observation filtered through something more ‘distant’, oblique, not head on.
I think you’re right, Jane. The Western approach is basically full of ego and bluster whereas the Eastern approach puts the ego aside so as to let the subject of the poem speak for itself with its own quiet, powerful voice. With Western poetry, we hear the poet; with Eastern poetry, we hear the poem.
That “distance” is simply the absence of the ego.
I understand this, Heaven, but I am not sure how it's done. It's something to think about though. I know it's hard to do, also, but I think it might be an important consideration in tanka form.
Just an observation.
Lady Nyo...but you did fine with your new tanka! It's a wonderful life study and will take you far in general poetry.
Thank you Lady Nyo for your crit.ReplyDelete
This is my first time to do the tanka and though I did not mean to rhyme, it just came out like that in my head. I understand I should be more subtle then next time. Thanks again ~
I love the mix of sound, scent and touch. This was lovely.ReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing.
I'm not real sure how to leave voice out of poetry... yours work for me, Heaven.ReplyDelete
so passionate and lovely !ReplyDelete
..ah, the inclusion of Jasmine for me always bring a fantastic imagery... very nice attempt at the 'Tankas' - your second one is a true appealing to me! well done!(:ReplyDelete
Oof, my my, quite the spicy evening...ReplyDelete
hmmmm...fire-lit autumn nights and jasmine scents...what more would one want..? smilesReplyDelete
Lovely image. Your words are rose petals on air.ReplyDelete
Beautiful. I am rather captivated by this tanka form - I will have to experiment with it sometime.ReplyDelete
I enjoyed this tanka, it really sings a lovely song ~ RoseReplyDelete
Very sensual. The passion practically sizzles.ReplyDelete
You created a sense of the changing seasons and applied it to a love relationship. I enjoyed the brevity of the form and the images.ReplyDelete
husky is a powerful opener even before getting to voice. what a big strong opener.ReplyDelete
your getting plenty of love for the rest of it:)
lovely...& thank you for the informationReplyDelete
it's very nice to meet you
I don't know the fine art of haiku or tanka but this was just beautiful.ReplyDelete
Great sultry poem, Heaven. I love the tanka form and appreciate lady nyo's crit-I think she was the one I Iearned tanka from when she did a guest post at one stop poetryReplyDelete
Passionate! An interesting form w/out rhyme. Are there rhymed tankas?ReplyDelete
Tanka is hard for me--well go figure with my wordy tendencies--but you make it seem effortless here Heaven. I love the first especially.ReplyDelete
Passion for all seasons, I think.ReplyDelete
I enjoyed the piece, cleverly done.
Love the form, both of the poem and images. Great write. A mature voice, not in content, but delivery. An experienced poetic voice. I really enjoyed reading this.ReplyDelete
Very beautiful-- yet again. Palpable imagery...xxxjReplyDelete
Very good tanka.Sensuous,searching and alluringReplyDelete
Heaven, your words are so sensual and beautiful. I fall more in love with your blog with each visit. Thank you for writing : )ReplyDelete
Lovely and simpleReplyDelete
Your pieces are always filled with loveliness, and this is no exception. Beautiful once again :)ReplyDelete
Passionate, textured and scented language...I think it's great you're trying out new forms. // Peter.ReplyDelete
Nothing like some good singing and singeing combined.ReplyDelete
feathery hips? I like the image. I sense a whole lotta shaking going on.
Wonderful picture, love how it goes with your blog's style!
I'm with Hedgewitch on this one (and joke's on me with my 2,400 word+ post :)ReplyDelete
Beautiful poem and I love the form.ReplyDelete
rose jasmine scent lingering
curled warm in my fingertips"
Loved this. The above lines especially.
Super,awesome,excellent, outstanding, beautiful ... I could go on. You are so great. I love your blog and your poetry is incredible.ReplyDelete
p.s. thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a helpful critique. It was very nice of you.
A lovely poem and a great read Heaven.ReplyDelete
lovely....the "fire-lit autumn nights"...bkmReplyDelete
Such a sensual experience - you always get my nose twitching and things tingling - your poems feel like dipping my head in a pefumed bowl of fruity flavoured spring water - fresh and soothing - love the pictures you choose tooReplyDelete
pass me a towel!
Ooohh.. sensually appealing.. and..well.. HOT!! And by adding Autumn to this awesomeness, you made the poem simply PERFECT!!!ReplyDelete
Oh, scrumptious! Gave e a shiver of delight.ReplyDelete
Sultry, passionate, and visually stimulating ... I like the way you posted the form ... well done!!ReplyDelete
Whoa, 51 comments! Well, here's one more, Heaven. ;-)ReplyDelete
This is just Awesome!ReplyDelete
And the image is damn beautiful.
Beautifully written... amazing pic!ReplyDelete
very lovely indeed..ReplyDelete
I like the way the two central lines link...ReplyDelete
flow n the feel is overwhelming..ReplyDelete
A nice read as ever !!
I like it, because so many people contributed to the comments already. smiles...ReplyDelete
Brilliant. It seems every site I read links back to you. All roads lead to Heaven. Forever should it be.ReplyDelete
It's all been said, but this is, indeed, a passionate bit of writing, and so well done.ReplyDelete
My poem for the week: http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/she-sat-alone-2/
sexayyyy haha! very clean exacting words subtly soothing my thoughts.. nice! glad to be of acquaintance through thursday rally.. my posting this week.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/strength-of-faith/ReplyDelete
I think that it is very difficult to convey such passion within a poem and have it actually "felt" by ones reader. You did that here. It is wonderful.ReplyDelete
hot and powerful.ReplyDelete
Very passionate and simplistically descriptive! I also like the formatReplyDelete
passionate poem indeed! happy rally!ReplyDelete
I like the eelgance in the tone...the subtlety. Good job.ReplyDelete
Very Nice Poetry with an amazing ImaginationReplyDelete
Well quoted with Wonderful Words as well ...
Great Work of Creativity !! Highly Expressive !!
It was indeed enjoyable after reading this one !!
Anyways, Take a look some of my Poetry Collections …
some of my Haiku Collections
and also, on my very recent Work as well
!!! Happy Rally !!!
Wow! What brilliance in wordplay, to exude that sensuality such! Loved it! :) Following your space now!ReplyDelete
My Rally - Patiently Trying
A beautiful piece, very well written.ReplyDelete
The Lonely Recluse.
sizzling ...Thanks for share.. :-)ReplyDelete
Sensual, soft, and aromatic. I can actually feel it and I'm floating!ReplyDelete