I take a step
feet touching shiny wooden floor
fire-lit room beckons my dance
above lazy eyes of the moon
I reach to fly, forgetting my wings
I take a step
against the crevices of thin wall
my dress pin-pricked with blood stains
my hands ice trembling in white fear
I fold myself into a panel sheet
I take a step
a seed of an idea, a possibility, a yearning
casting aside my compass and clothes,
I strike a match against wall, though unsure,
I take another step
Poetry form: Triptych - a poem in three distinct but united parts. Thanks to Kerry for this challenge.
Posted for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads: OpenLinkNight - every Monday
and D'verse Poets Pub: OpenLinkNight - every Tuesday starting at 3pm EST
On another note, I received a special award, Queen of Haiku Challenge, for my Haiku Journey on Feb. 2012 for my other blog, Everyday Amazing. There is another haiku challenge hosted by Leo of Haiku Heights for the month of April. You are all invited to write and share your haiku/senyru for this Poem-A-Day Month. Thank you for all your support and encouragement of my writing.
When we throw caution to the wind, our feet grow wings...(Hugs)Indigo
This is lovely... I especially like the last stanza.ReplyDelete
I loved this challenge, it produed some beautiful writing and this is no exception. I really like the uncertainty and thought that we will make mistakes, but we will aslo overcome with a little help. Great poem...I loved it.ReplyDelete
Beautiful, beautiful words. Using a step for the repetition in this piece was powerful.ReplyDelete
Beautiful poem Heaven. That last stanza was wonderful...ReplyDelete
those steps are not easy and it takes boldness but that boldness allows us to fly...love your descriptions in this too heaven....ReplyDelete
Congratulations on the award, very well deserved!ReplyDelete
This is lovely, all those small steps eventually lead us to where we need to be.
Your writing is wonderful!
One must take the steps if anything is every going to occur, no matter the situation. Well said and the descriptions were wonderful too.ReplyDelete
this part: my hands ice trembling in white fear/ i fold myself into a panel sheet... that preliminary anxiety, anticipation of self-initiated movement is a painful, fruitful place we seem to need to go before we act. you draw it so well within this piece, and its power is amplified in the next simple and utterly powerful line: i take a stepReplyDelete
a true step is a monumental achievement. the piece demonstrates that so very well.
This is such a wonderfully composed piece. Intriguing form, the triptych and you accomplished it so well. It tells a familiar human story and interprets the photo wonderfully.ReplyDelete
I like this so much. We just have to keep taking those steps; and they will get easier with time.ReplyDelete
(Also, congratulations to you on your award! Well deserved.)
really really enjoyed this.ReplyDelete
lovely words :)ReplyDelete
forgetting your wings is often a good thingReplyDelete
beautifully written! I love that last stanza :)ReplyDelete
Lovely--I love the idea of firelit room beckoning dance--my favorite kind of room, and movement. K.ReplyDelete
Congrats on your award. Well-deserved!ReplyDelete
So well done. I like the progression in "a seed of an idea, a possibility, a yearning" — and congratulations on being a haiku queen!ReplyDelete
This fits the idea of a triptych perfectly, you even got 'panel' in there, subtly and very effectively. The emotions here are barely covered by the gauzy veneer, and even that is cast aside at the end, as we often have to throw off our protections. Good one, Heaven.ReplyDelete
Wonderful, your imagery is outstanding! I agree this fits the triptych so well! So beautiful ...I have to read it again!ReplyDelete
Very nice...I enjoy your blog!ReplyDelete
nice poem i like itReplyDelete
I love how you divided up this poem - the steps - just so innovative, and your message is inspiring.ReplyDelete
'white fear' ... that struck me with unexpected force.ReplyDelete
that, and the dragging of the match across the wall.
i move in step.
A strong and interesting poem-- I'm all for inferring connections between images and some ambiguity of meaning-- at least, that appears to be a contemporary aesthetic suddenly apparent to me in my work-- very compelling! xxxjReplyDelete
with each step, we're moving into an unknown world...can be sweet, painful..whatever..but def. there's something waiting on the other side...i like how you take us with youReplyDelete
One of my favorites of yours. Striking the match on the wall, excellent. And the lazy eyes of the moon -- wonderful!ReplyDelete
I love this, beautiful! Thanks for your nice comment at Victoria's.ReplyDelete
I liked each step. Good use of the form as well. The final step at the end was, well, a great way to end it.ReplyDelete
NOW! I now know what is a "triptych"--and how GOOD it is.ReplyDelete
I have reached, begun to fly, forgotten my wings...
You gave me to my hands ice trembling in white fear...
And Heaven, who has never, though unsure,
taken that next (another) step? Ouch! And you made me take it.
thanks for a terrific piece!
Really beautifully written--lovely!!ReplyDelete
Extremely powerful imagery love! A taste of avant garde quality to this piece too, I feel, amazingly worded, words used to maximum effect! xoxoReplyDelete
Baeutifully written...Excellent form, Heaven.ReplyDelete
Love your imagery in this..the "lazy eye of the moon" and the last stanza is great. Congrats for your haiku award, too! Your Haiku is beautiful.. :)ReplyDelete
Forwards, sideways, towards you - these three short verses match up very well - lovely imagery tooReplyDelete
Heaven, really like this piece. The attention to image and movement is wonderful. Great job. ThanksReplyDelete
Oh this I've enjoyed reading a few times in one sitting...so nicely and beautifully written! :-)ReplyDelete
This is lovely. I'm going to try my hand at writing a triptych. You've inspired me.ReplyDelete
Congratulations Queen! Well done - a triptych ... interesting and impressive ... very coolReplyDelete
As someone said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And how extraordinary an ending that you write, in that it also ends with a single step!ReplyDelete
i love the way your words danceReplyDelete
and flitter about. they're gorgeous
thank you for sharing.
Enigmatic and entrancing. Brilliantly evocative. Loved it!ReplyDelete
Beautiful verse, Heaven! A clever way of making it lively with the repetition. It reminds me of 'tip-toeing in the park' song!ReplyDelete
nice progression in this formReplyDelete
Each step is a terror or an adventure, but always the start of a journey. You've captured a great sense of the possible in this piece. Nice work.ReplyDelete
Your image and words reminded me of a moment, of the perseverance of the truly dedicated.ReplyDelete
Love the piece and the picture. It's lightness yet the blood stains, I'm stalled and she is moving.ReplyDelete
kind of like dancing the hockie pockieReplyDelete
four animal dedication senryu
I'm late commenting, as usual, but I simply love this. There's something very beautiful in the darkness of it and you've used the form in a lovely way...ReplyDelete
'I reach to fly, forgetting my wings'..my favourite piece : )
"trembling in white fear" - "I take another step"ReplyDelete
so many nice turns of phrases, and esp like the sense i get of determined hopefulness, a non-giving-up-ness -
even if it's by striking "a match against wall" - very nice, thanks heaven ;-)
The touches of anxiety resonated and bled from each line... loved it :)ReplyDelete