Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Tanka: Enthralled

husky voice, you sing
soft silky touches, i singe


unforgettable
rose jasmine scent lingering
curled warm in my fingertips 




red plumed hips, you slay
heated kisses rain, i sway


unto you, enthralled  
   by spell lasting summer's tryst 
spilling fire-lit autumn nights 



Author's Note:  The poetry form is tanka (or waka).   This is an unrhymed Japanese poem consisting of five lines of 5/7/5/7/7 totaling 31 kana (Japanese units or syllables). From tanka's long history - over 1300 years recorded in Japan- the most famous use of the poetry form of tanka was as secret messages between lovers. Read here for more information about this beautiful form.  To test my tanka, you can read lines 1,2,3 and 3,4,5 as two subjects  sharing the same line 3.


For D'Verse Poets Pub, OpenLinkNight, Tuesday (every Tuesday) starting 3pm EST.   Bring your poem (any form) and share warm company.


Shared with Purple Tree House- Poetic Form:  Waka.   Thank you, Shashi for the information.  Shared with The Poetry Palace - Week 50.  


Picture credit:   http://temptingsweets99.tumblr.com/post/7124096052

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72 comments:

  1. Tigerbrite23 August 2011 at 07:49

    This is lovely and the picture perfect.

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  2. Brian Miller23 August 2011 at 08:38

    the passion in this is delicious...the flow delicate...and a nice explosion of heat there at the end...nice seasonal transition as well...autumn is my fav time of year...

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  3. Anonymous23 August 2011 at 08:43

    Your words are enthralling. Love the image, too.

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  4. Anonymous23 August 2011 at 09:07

    Oh! Thanks for the image credit. LOL! I'd missed it and forgot about this image being on my blog. ;-)

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  5. Pat Hatt23 August 2011 at 09:19

    Very passionate write, expect nothing less from you and the wonderful pic.

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  6. A.S.23 August 2011 at 09:34

    Belo e sensual... cada palavra é uma doce caricia ardendo sobre a pele...

    Beijos,
    AL

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  7. Poetry of the Day23 August 2011 at 10:39

    i really love this poem.
    Have you ever read Longing by Mathew Arnold?

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  8. Anonymous23 August 2011 at 11:08

    full of passion....wonderful :)

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  9. Kalyan23 August 2011 at 12:06

    lovely sensual words...nicely crafted lines!

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  10. Anonymous23 August 2011 at 12:12

    A very well done romantic tanka--passionate and sexy!

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  11. Lady Nyo23 August 2011 at 15:07

    Very good Heaven!

    You handled that all important pivot point very well.

    Rhyming in tanka is generally avoided...in the Japanese, because with every word ending in a vowel, it's too easy, so generally poets avoid rhyming (in other languages) but I don't see why it isn't done in other languages besides Japanese. I think it's fine.

    I would say this though. Tanka, in a classical sense (and of course we aren't classical, ancient tanka writers) usually approach their themes of love/lust/erotica with something of a veil...

    This is in no way a criticism of your lovely two tanka, it's just something to consider.
    This morning I got an email from a friend in Australia who is quite a name in this form. We were discussing this issue just this recently:


    > tanka is more a form of direct observation filtered through something more ‘distant’, oblique, not head on.

    I think you’re right, Jane. The Western approach is basically full of ego and bluster whereas the Eastern approach puts the ego aside so as to let the subject of the poem speak for itself with its own quiet, powerful voice. With Western poetry, we hear the poet; with Eastern poetry, we hear the poem.

    That “distance” is simply the absence of the ego.

    I understand this, Heaven, but I am not sure how it's done. It's something to think about though. I know it's hard to do, also, but I think it might be an important consideration in tanka form.

    Just an observation.

    Lady Nyo...but you did fine with your new tanka! It's a wonderful life study and will take you far in general poetry.

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  12. Scarlet23 August 2011 at 15:27

    Thank you Lady Nyo for your crit.

    This is my first time to do the tanka and though I did not mean to rhyme, it just came out like that in my head. I understand I should be more subtle then next time. Thanks again ~

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  13. Karen from Mentor23 August 2011 at 15:33

    I love the mix of sound, scent and touch. This was lovely.
    Thank you for sharing.
    :0)

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  14. Laurie Kolp23 August 2011 at 15:36

    I'm not real sure how to leave voice out of poetry... yours work for me, Heaven.

    http://lkkolp.wordpress.com/2011/08/23/pow/

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  15. ayala23 August 2011 at 15:37

    so passionate and lovely !

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  16. kelvin s.m.23 August 2011 at 15:50

    ..ah, the inclusion of Jasmine for me always bring a fantastic imagery... very nice attempt at the 'Tankas' - your second one is a true appealing to me! well done!(:

    ~Kelvin

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  17. Chris G.23 August 2011 at 16:00

    Oof, my my, quite the spicy evening...

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  18. Claudia23 August 2011 at 16:16

    hmmmm...fire-lit autumn nights and jasmine scents...what more would one want..? smiles

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  19. Joanne Young Elliott23 August 2011 at 16:22

    Lovely image. Your words are rose petals on air.

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  20. Uneven Stephen23 August 2011 at 17:29

    Beautiful. I am rather captivated by this tanka form - I will have to experiment with it sometime.

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  21. Unknown23 August 2011 at 17:52

    I enjoyed this tanka, it really sings a lovely song ~ Rose

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  22. Daydreamertoo23 August 2011 at 18:51

    Very sensual. The passion practically sizzles.

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  23. Victoria23 August 2011 at 19:13

    You created a sense of the changing seasons and applied it to a love relationship. I enjoyed the brevity of the form and the images.

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  24. Ed Pilolla23 August 2011 at 20:01

    husky is a powerful opener even before getting to voice. what a big strong opener.
    your getting plenty of love for the rest of it:)

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  25. CatGem23 August 2011 at 20:42

    lovely...& thank you for the information

    it's very nice to meet you

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  26. California Ink in Motion23 August 2011 at 20:45

    I don't know the fine art of haiku or tanka but this was just beautiful.

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  27. Maude Lynn23 August 2011 at 20:55

    Gorgeous!

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  28. Sheila23 August 2011 at 21:35

    Great sultry poem, Heaven. I love the tanka form and appreciate lady nyo's crit-I think she was the one I Iearned tanka from when she did a guest post at one stop poetry

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  29. Anonymous23 August 2011 at 21:52

    Passionate! An interesting form w/out rhyme. Are there rhymed tankas?

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  30. Anonymous23 August 2011 at 22:19

    Interesting form

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  31. hedgewitch23 August 2011 at 22:53

    Tanka is hard for me--well go figure with my wordy tendencies--but you make it seem effortless here Heaven. I love the first especially.

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  32. Jeff23 August 2011 at 23:06

    Passion for all seasons, I think.

    I enjoyed the piece, cleverly done.

    Cheers!

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  33. Anonymous23 August 2011 at 23:16

    Love the form, both of the poem and images. Great write. A mature voice, not in content, but delivery. An experienced poetic voice. I really enjoyed reading this.

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  34. Jenne' R. Andrews 24 August 2011 at 04:17

    Very beautiful-- yet again. Palpable imagery...xxxj

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  35. kaykuala24 August 2011 at 04:35

    Very good tanka.Sensuous,searching and alluring

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  36. Anonymous24 August 2011 at 08:32

    Heaven, your words are so sensual and beautiful. I fall more in love with your blog with each visit. Thank you for writing : )
    -Eva

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  37. Kodjo Deynoo24 August 2011 at 08:50

    Lovely and simple

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  38. Unknown24 August 2011 at 10:46

    Your pieces are always filled with loveliness, and this is no exception. Beautiful once again :)

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  39. Anonymous24 August 2011 at 11:11

    Passionate, textured and scented language...I think it's great you're trying out new forms. // Peter.

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  40. Jannie Funster24 August 2011 at 11:17

    Nothing like some good singing and singeing combined.

    feathery hips? I like the image. I sense a whole lotta shaking going on.

    Wonderful picture, love how it goes with your blog's style!

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  41. Anonymous24 August 2011 at 11:19

    I'm with Hedgewitch on this one (and joke's on me with my 2,400 word+ post :)

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  42. flaubert24 August 2011 at 12:05

    Beautiful poem and I love the form.

    Pamela

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  43. James Rainsford24 August 2011 at 12:08

    "unforgettable
    rose jasmine scent lingering
    curled warm in my fingertips"

    Loved this. The above lines especially.

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  44. Isadora24 August 2011 at 13:51

    Super,awesome,excellent, outstanding, beautiful ... I could go on. You are so great. I love your blog and your poetry is incredible.
    Just lovely,
    Namaste,
    Isadora
    p.s. thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a helpful critique. It was very nice of you.

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  45. Anonymous24 August 2011 at 14:14

    A lovely poem and a great read Heaven.
    Thanks.

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  46. signed...bkm24 August 2011 at 15:17

    lovely....the "fire-lit autumn nights"...bkm

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  47. Arron Shilling24 August 2011 at 17:17

    Such a sensual experience - you always get my nose twitching and things tingling - your poems feel like dipping my head in a pefumed bowl of fruity flavoured spring water - fresh and soothing - love the pictures you choose too

    thanks heaven

    pass me a towel!

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  48. Kavita24 August 2011 at 18:14

    Ooohh.. sensually appealing.. and..well.. HOT!! And by adding Autumn to this awesomeness, you made the poem simply PERFECT!!!

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  49. Rosemary Nissen-Wade24 August 2011 at 18:35

    Oh, scrumptious! Gave e a shiver of delight.

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  50. Rosemary Nissen-Wade24 August 2011 at 18:35

    *gave me

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  51. Anonymous24 August 2011 at 18:41

    Sultry, passionate, and visually stimulating ... I like the way you posted the form ... well done!!

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  52. Fireblossom24 August 2011 at 21:02

    Whoa, 51 comments! Well, here's one more, Heaven. ;-)

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  53. Alcina24 August 2011 at 23:49

    This is just Awesome!
    And the image is damn beautiful.

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  54. Eclipse25 August 2011 at 05:14

    Beautifully written... amazing pic!

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  55. lynne25 August 2011 at 05:26

    very lovely indeed..

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  56. Jinksy25 August 2011 at 09:03

    I like the way the two central lines link...

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  57. Jyoti Mishra25 August 2011 at 13:39

    flow n the feel is overwhelming..
    A nice read as ever !!

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  58. Anonymous25 August 2011 at 15:19

    I like it, because so many people contributed to the comments already. smiles...

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  59. Anonymous25 August 2011 at 15:45

    Beautiful.................................................................................................................................................................................

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  60. Mike Patrick25 August 2011 at 16:03

    Brilliant. It seems every site I read links back to you. All roads lead to Heaven. Forever should it be.

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  61. Anonymous25 August 2011 at 18:08

    It's all been said, but this is, indeed, a passionate bit of writing, and so well done.

    My poem for the week: http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/she-sat-alone-2/

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  62. Anonymous26 August 2011 at 03:40

    sexayyyy haha! very clean exacting words subtly soothing my thoughts.. nice! glad to be of acquaintance through thursday rally.. my posting this week.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/strength-of-faith/

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  63. Liz Rice-Sosne26 August 2011 at 12:11

    I think that it is very difficult to convey such passion within a poem and have it actually "felt" by ones reader. You did that here. It is wonderful.

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  64. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis Hall26 August 2011 at 12:37

    hot and powerful.
    great entry.

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  65. Anonymous26 August 2011 at 17:58

    Very passionate and simplistically descriptive! I also like the format

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  66. veronica dimarco27 August 2011 at 16:51

    passionate poem indeed! happy rally!

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  67. Rosie Gan27 August 2011 at 21:57

    I like the eelgance in the tone...the subtlety. Good job.
    Rosie

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  68. ASHISH BARDHAN28 August 2011 at 00:35

    Very Nice Poetry with an amazing Imagination
    Well quoted with Wonderful Words as well ...
    Great Work of Creativity !! Highly Expressive !!

    It was indeed enjoyable after reading this one !!

    Anyways, Take a look some of my Poetry Collections …
    http://ashbeezone.wordpress.com/category/talent-underground/poetry-zone/

    some of my Haiku Collections
    http://ashbeezone.wordpress.com/category/creative-challenges/the-haiku-challenge/

    and also, on my very recent Work as well
    http://ashbeezone.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/india-of-my-dream/

    !!! Happy Rally !!!
    Cheers !!

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  69. Vinay Leo R.28 August 2011 at 10:48

    Wow! What brilliance in wordplay, to exude that sensuality such! Loved it! :) Following your space now!

    My Rally - Patiently Trying

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  70. Anonymous29 August 2011 at 18:52

    A beautiful piece, very well written.
    The Lonely Recluse.

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  71. Anonymous30 August 2011 at 13:22

    sizzling ...Thanks for share.. :-)

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  72. Kay1 September 2011 at 16:27

    Sensual, soft, and aromatic. I can actually feel it and I'm floating!


    http://kaysalady.wordpress.com/2011/08/30/my-mind-is-frozen/

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Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~

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