I went to the bar for a game
to see dis-grace in my name
Gulped a margarita, and danced
feeling bolder as no one knew my name
On stage, belted a rock song
crowd cheered, like they knew my name
Taunting the devil, I kissed a man
Sparks flew before he asked my name
Lustful eyes, I pulled down his pants
Riding him, he wanted to know my name
No labels, no expectations, no name, I said
Still he asked, "Can Angel be your name?"
How I wish we are in Eden sin, so I said yes
Then, I laughed as Heaven is not my real name.
Author's note: This post is for D'Verse Poets Pub - OpenLinkNight. Link your poem (any form) starting Tuesday (every Tuesday) at 3pm EST.
In writing this post, I took some features of the Ghazal form I learned last week (at least 5 couplets, ending refrain on each couplet, "I" perspective and signature couplet on the last verse). However, per John Alwyine-Mosley's guidelines, since this is a narrative, it falls outside the ghazal form.
For fun, I inserted my real names in this post. :-) Thanks for the visit ~
For fun, I inserted my real names in this post. :-) Thanks for the visit ~
picture credit: cristania.tumblr.com
lustful and fun...Love it ;)
ReplyDeletewhat's in a name? ;-) fun poem.
ReplyDeleteGreat mix and match of the features and adding in such fun, well done with your depiction, didn't at all cause me an affiliction..haha
ReplyDeletehot time in the old town tonight...smiles. nice on the form...i like it narrative though...that is what tripped me up writing mine as i wanted the flow...um, and might want to get the name first next time...smiles.
ReplyDeleteIs it Grace?
ReplyDeleteI just learned about the ghazal too, but you seem to have turned a few things inside out - playing with your name, for one. I like to see that, never was one to color inside the lines.
I've only known one girl named Angel. Her dad was a minister. She became a stripper.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life is better than fiction.
Thanks for the poetry share!
:0)
Heaven!! LOVED this poem!
ReplyDeleteIt's lusty, joyful and dangerous!
It is a DELIGHT!!!!
And the form, rhythm is wonderful.
Lady Nyo
If it looks like a ghazal, and acts like a ghazal, and surprises better than a ghazal - well if it's not a ghazal, it's still a damn fine poem! Kudos to you Heaven whether that's your name or not. I meant to write another for today as well, but went with something else. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteo.k. there is definitely something in the water this week-- yours, Brendan's, Claudia's, others.... Now I wish I hadn't written about mountains, cornfields, herons, owls et cetera! xxxj
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's nice to just abandon all common sense and have some free fun!
ReplyDeleteYour name isn't really Heaven... well how about that!...(joking)
i love every bit of this one. and mr pat is funny.
ReplyDeleteA heavenly piece... it is fun to dream.
ReplyDeleteThere is power in your name and in being the mystery woman. Nice movement through the lines.
ReplyDeletedon't tell the guys what bar you're going to or they may storm the place...hot...smiles
ReplyDeleteHeaven seems like your real name to me!
ReplyDeletenow off for a margarita and a wild pub dance...
hot!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete..i enjoyed this my friend.. though, i’m really intrigued what’s behind the moniker.. hehe..
ReplyDeleteBrightest blessings!
~Kelvin
Good job putting the prompts into action - looks like you have internalised this brilliant strucure.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story and the shapes it created in my imagination - picture perfect.
Nice write, true names can hold people back.
ReplyDeletePhew, is it me or has it been mighty hot in this here pub tonight?
ReplyDeleteYou are brave to try another Ghazal. Very nice. I don't know I'll be trying again soon. This was quite the lusty one. I thought I sensed sadness or angst in the beginning, but that may have been me interpreting the impending sadness I think she might feel following this tryst. Hmmm. And, of course I must remember this is associative. My brain just doesn't work that way for some reason. Oh, Ghazal, how you teas me, lol...
ReplyDeleteFun piece, love the style you take with your work. The ending is a really nice close that fits in perfect to the story-telling aspect of the piece, thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your wonderful comments. I find it fun mixing up the elements of a form, and putting my own spin.
ReplyDeleteLori.. you caught something there... that is what I was feeling too ~
Thanks for your visit ~
I thought I recognized some ghazal in this! Good for you! I didn't even attempt it. Anonymity can be freeing but also alienating.
ReplyDeleteOh my! Rant and rage and take back your power..own it (and your name, what ever you feel like it being) Absolutely LOVE being in a strange place, where no one will ever know of the real me. This one rocked!
ReplyDeleteHeaven I have seen this form before but never tried it,what a wonderful job you did, self searching and erotic I may have to try this one after all!
ReplyDeletesome days (nights) any name will do... and who's to say where heaven exists? You never know who you might meet at a bar, could be he was the angel:-)
ReplyDeleteA tad on the warmish side of kool, eh. I should know more MCs like this. I mean for conversation. Great write. Super passion, lust, truth and expertly presented.
ReplyDeleteSometimes remaining anonymous can get us into a heap of trouble. This was fun.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great poem. I loved how you hid your true self. It's true - no one will ever know the real you....except you yourself! Absolutely loved it...great job!
ReplyDeleteSeriously--I was a bartender in a really nice upscale neighborhood in Naples Florida for a long time. So often--and so many--women, good looking (hot!) and well coiffed (rich!)
ReplyDeleteOver years I would sadly watch a number of them deteriorate. My favorite 'feel-sad' song was and is, "Sophisticated Lady". I knew their names, but nobody else did.
I know God cares specially for these girl-Peeps. (One was named Angel--Ha!
Believe me, there are stories to tell, both impersonal and not--grin!
been thinking about changing my name lately, loosing myself in not being me. (not sure that makes sense, but anyway...) i definitely think it is easier to let yourself go when you are not bound to your name.
ReplyDeleteyou put together quite a interesting tryst (i mean tale).
Heaven may be your name but Heaven can also be a little bit naughty! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI liked it!
Bravo on the writing!
Enjoyed reading your poem...
ReplyDeletefun read,
thanks for sharing
☮ ♥. Siggi
in Downeast Maine
Yes, I loved it too. I recognised the ghazal influence at one of course (after so much discussion of it recently) and actually thought it was one, forgetting until you reminded me that narrative doesn't count.
ReplyDeleteVery nice, Heaven! I especially like the last line : )
ReplyDeleteTHAT was you ??!!! LOL just kiddin', nice fluid piece, had fun reading it. Cool pic to accompany too. :)
ReplyDeleteAre we supposed to guess? I think you might be Grace Eden. Or perhaps Grace Margarita Riding.
ReplyDeleteu narrated the whole situation with so much vividness that each verse was a treat to the reader.
ReplyDeleteLoved it.
This has a lovely flirty mood. The ghazal form suited the subject very well.
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done! Wow!
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Hot! Hot! Hot!
ReplyDeleteFantastic visuals & great flow...almost makes me want to sing Destiny's Child song "Say My Name, Say My Name"!
Nice one!
A nice play on words and fun too. Well written.
ReplyDeleteMysterious and playful, at once revealing and concealing. Very nice!
ReplyDeleteDavid
Ohh.. thrilling and sizzling, girl... this was a real delight to read... and in all its playfulness, there was a lot of truth in here as well...
ReplyDeleteAwesome!
Here is an Angel that knows what she wants....a taste of Heaven at the moment...bkm
ReplyDeleteSome ancient people thought that to know a person's true name was to have great power over them. Good to see you have learned to own what is yours, and keep the power over yourself -- feel your own magic!
ReplyDeleteLove that last line!
ReplyDeletehot, fast and fun!
ReplyDeletevery fun and risque. liked it a lot.
ReplyDeletehere from dverse.
Its all in the game and not the name...lovely lines!
ReplyDeleteAn enjoyable poem. Loved the form. Gave a great feeling of a not much going on, then the intensity of a moment, dissipating as quickly as it came. Nice write.
ReplyDeleteWhats in a name anyway?
ReplyDeleteHeaven,
ReplyDeleteSensuously beautiful poetry. You are in control all the time, I see!
Woooooo hooooooo! Now that sounds like a good time! :)
ReplyDeleteMmmmmhhhhh, This Is HOT
ReplyDeletenext week... everyone's gonna belly up to the bar and say "I'll have what she's having!"
ReplyDeleteGreat poem, I love the form. You really hit it home with those last two couplets.
ReplyDeletevery hot
ReplyDeleteVery nicely crafted!! Sizzling too! Hmmmmm :-)
ReplyDelete