Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Not my name

I went to the bar for a game
to see dis-grace in my name 

Gulped a margarita, and danced
feeling bolder as no one knew my name

On stage, belted a rock song 
crowd cheered, like they knew my name 

Taunting the devil, I kissed a man
Sparks flew before he asked my name

Lustful eyes, I pulled down his pants 
Riding him, he wanted to know my name 

No labels, no expectations, no name, I said 
Still he asked, "Can Angel be your name?" 

How I wish we are in Eden sin, so I said yes 
Then, I laughed as Heaven is not my real name.





Author's note:   This post is for D'Verse Poets Pub - OpenLinkNight.  Link your poem (any form) starting Tuesday (every Tuesday) at 3pm EST.   


In writing this post, I took some features of the Ghazal form I learned last week (at least 5 couplets, ending refrain on each couplet, "I" perspective and signature couplet on the last verse).   However, per John Alwyine-Mosley's guidelines, since this is a narrative, it falls outside the ghazal form.  


For fun, I inserted my real names in this post. :-)  Thanks for the visit ~     


picture credit:   cristania.tumblr.com

60 comments:

  1. Great mix and match of the features and adding in such fun, well done with your depiction, didn't at all cause me an affiliction..haha

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  2. hot time in the old town tonight...smiles. nice on the form...i like it narrative though...that is what tripped me up writing mine as i wanted the flow...um, and might want to get the name first next time...smiles.

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  3. Is it Grace?

    I just learned about the ghazal too, but you seem to have turned a few things inside out - playing with your name, for one. I like to see that, never was one to color inside the lines.

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  4. I've only known one girl named Angel. Her dad was a minister. She became a stripper.

    Sometimes life is better than fiction.

    Thanks for the poetry share!
    :0)

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  5. Heaven!! LOVED this poem!

    It's lusty, joyful and dangerous!

    It is a DELIGHT!!!!

    And the form, rhythm is wonderful.

    Lady Nyo

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  6. If it looks like a ghazal, and acts like a ghazal, and surprises better than a ghazal - well if it's not a ghazal, it's still a damn fine poem! Kudos to you Heaven whether that's your name or not. I meant to write another for today as well, but went with something else. Thanks!

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  7. o.k. there is definitely something in the water this week-- yours, Brendan's, Claudia's, others.... Now I wish I hadn't written about mountains, cornfields, herons, owls et cetera! xxxj

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  8. Sometimes it's nice to just abandon all common sense and have some free fun!
    Your name isn't really Heaven... well how about that!...(joking)

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  9. i love every bit of this one. and mr pat is funny.

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  10. A heavenly piece... it is fun to dream.

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  11. There is power in your name and in being the mystery woman. Nice movement through the lines.

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  12. don't tell the guys what bar you're going to or they may storm the place...hot...smiles

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  13. Heaven seems like your real name to me!

    now off for a margarita and a wild pub dance...

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  14. ..i enjoyed this my friend.. though, i’m really intrigued what’s behind the moniker.. hehe..

    Brightest blessings!

    ~Kelvin

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  15. Good job putting the prompts into action - looks like you have internalised this brilliant strucure.

    I really enjoyed the story and the shapes it created in my imagination - picture perfect.

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  16. Nice write, true names can hold people back.

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  17. Phew, is it me or has it been mighty hot in this here pub tonight?

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  18. You are brave to try another Ghazal. Very nice. I don't know I'll be trying again soon. This was quite the lusty one. I thought I sensed sadness or angst in the beginning, but that may have been me interpreting the impending sadness I think she might feel following this tryst. Hmmm. And, of course I must remember this is associative. My brain just doesn't work that way for some reason. Oh, Ghazal, how you teas me, lol...

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  19. Fun piece, love the style you take with your work. The ending is a really nice close that fits in perfect to the story-telling aspect of the piece, thanks for sharing

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  20. Thanks everyone for your wonderful comments. I find it fun mixing up the elements of a form, and putting my own spin.

    Lori.. you caught something there... that is what I was feeling too ~

    Thanks for your visit ~

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  21. I thought I recognized some ghazal in this! Good for you! I didn't even attempt it. Anonymity can be freeing but also alienating.

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  22. Oh my! Rant and rage and take back your power..own it (and your name, what ever you feel like it being) Absolutely LOVE being in a strange place, where no one will ever know of the real me. This one rocked!

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  23. Heaven I have seen this form before but never tried it,what a wonderful job you did, self searching and erotic I may have to try this one after all!

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  24. some days (nights) any name will do... and who's to say where heaven exists? You never know who you might meet at a bar, could be he was the angel:-)

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  25. A tad on the warmish side of kool, eh. I should know more MCs like this. I mean for conversation. Great write. Super passion, lust, truth and expertly presented.

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  26. Sometimes remaining anonymous can get us into a heap of trouble. This was fun.

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  27. That was a great poem. I loved how you hid your true self. It's true - no one will ever know the real you....except you yourself! Absolutely loved it...great job!

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  28. Seriously--I was a bartender in a really nice upscale neighborhood in Naples Florida for a long time. So often--and so many--women, good looking (hot!) and well coiffed (rich!)

    Over years I would sadly watch a number of them deteriorate. My favorite 'feel-sad' song was and is, "Sophisticated Lady". I knew their names, but nobody else did.

    I know God cares specially for these girl-Peeps. (One was named Angel--Ha!

    Believe me, there are stories to tell, both impersonal and not--grin!

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  29. been thinking about changing my name lately, loosing myself in not being me. (not sure that makes sense, but anyway...) i definitely think it is easier to let yourself go when you are not bound to your name.

    you put together quite a interesting tryst (i mean tale).

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  30. Heaven may be your name but Heaven can also be a little bit naughty! LOL!
    I liked it!
    Bravo on the writing!

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  31. Enjoyed reading your poem...
    fun read,
    thanks for sharing

    ☮ ♥. Siggi
    in Downeast Maine

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  32. Yes, I loved it too. I recognised the ghazal influence at one of course (after so much discussion of it recently) and actually thought it was one, forgetting until you reminded me that narrative doesn't count.

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  33. Very nice, Heaven! I especially like the last line : )

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  34. THAT was you ??!!! LOL just kiddin', nice fluid piece, had fun reading it. Cool pic to accompany too. :)

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  35. Are we supposed to guess? I think you might be Grace Eden. Or perhaps Grace Margarita Riding.

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  36. u narrated the whole situation with so much vividness that each verse was a treat to the reader.
    Loved it.

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  37. This has a lovely flirty mood. The ghazal form suited the subject very well.

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  38. Whoa! Hot! Hot! Hot!
    Fantastic visuals & great flow...almost makes me want to sing Destiny's Child song "Say My Name, Say My Name"!

    Nice one!

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  39. A nice play on words and fun too. Well written.

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  40. Mysterious and playful, at once revealing and concealing. Very nice!

    David

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  41. Ohh.. thrilling and sizzling, girl... this was a real delight to read... and in all its playfulness, there was a lot of truth in here as well...
    Awesome!

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  42. Here is an Angel that knows what she wants....a taste of Heaven at the moment...bkm

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  43. Some ancient people thought that to know a person's true name was to have great power over them. Good to see you have learned to own what is yours, and keep the power over yourself -- feel your own magic!

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  44. very fun and risque. liked it a lot.
    here from dverse.

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  45. Its all in the game and not the name...lovely lines!

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  46. An enjoyable poem. Loved the form. Gave a great feeling of a not much going on, then the intensity of a moment, dissipating as quickly as it came. Nice write.

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  47. Heaven,
    Sensuously beautiful poetry. You are in control all the time, I see!

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  48. Woooooo hooooooo! Now that sounds like a good time! :)

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  49. next week... everyone's gonna belly up to the bar and say "I'll have what she's having!"

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  50. Great poem, I love the form. You really hit it home with those last two couplets.

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  51. Very nicely crafted!! Sizzling too! Hmmmmm :-)

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Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~