I.
the wind picked up
at night, swirling of empty nests
and cluttered leaves-
sounds of crying rose,
reverberating the red-tiled roof
like a ship’s moaning
as it flounders in the unexpected rough sea-
until the trees, bare of songs and frost,
knelt, bowing down in reverence-
in the way of nature
everything passes, including storms.
II.
the wind picked up
at night, swirling of empty nests
and cluttered pages-
suddenly,
wailing sounds
reverberated from red-tiled roof-
a lover bemoaning
the quickness and parting of kisses –
wild and sweet-
the trees, bare of songs and frost,
trembled under the moon’s soulful eyes-
the storm passes,
taking everything of hallowed vows-
including ours
taking everything of hallowed vows-
including ours
Posted for : Part I. Imaginary Garden for Real Toads - Ella's Edge - Wow!
and Part II. D'verse Poets Pub - Imagist poem
I really hope that storms pass for real....
ReplyDeleteMe too ~ Thanks Dezzy ~
Deletenice...sounds like a storm, worth getting lost in...and the moon's soulful eyes...hmm..nice
ReplyDeleteThe stormy cries were scary though ~ Thanks Claudia ~
DeleteThis is perfect for me right now as the wind is wild here in the desert, the palm trees bending over, fronds flying everywhere....and I have to take the dogs out to do their thing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the wonderful prompt Victoria ~ The weather here is just as crazy ~
Deletenice...i like the near echo of the second part and bringing in the lover....smiled at the bemoaning how quick the kisses....ah that time goes by way too fast....smiles...
ReplyDeleteYes it does, though the wind's howling was frightening to hear ~ Thank you Brian ~
DeleteVery wonderful to read, and the second seems to expand on the first in a really wonderful way. Loved both of them!
ReplyDeleteIts actually two versions of the "storm" ~
DeleteThank you Sherry ~
Somewhere between Norway and the UK and a storm comes out of nowhere as we sail for home. This bought that memory flooding back as I read the first part. The wind and the sea make a very powerful combination and I feel that reflected acutely in the first part.
ReplyDeleteThe potentially effect of storms in nature and in our relationships - a very effective juxtaposition of image and metaphor. I enjoyed reading these Grace.
ReplyDeletethat should say "potentially destructive effect"
DeleteOh my goodness! How beautifully you write. If only the wind could blow some of that talent and inspiration my way.
ReplyDeleteCool because at first I thought it was a form that I didn't recognize and not two seperate poems. The two played off of each very well, maybe you invented a new form...lol. These both were fantastic...the first longing and hopeful, the second passionate and humble. Very cool to read them one after the other....loooovvvveedddd it!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhew, I can picture these storms, Grace. Everything passes, even storms!
ReplyDeletewonderful detail and story telling in this piece
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed these so much, heavy wind storms are frightening, especially at night when the power goes,,makes one feel vulnerable to nature. But as you say "everything passes" and this storm has left us to enjoy your creativity.
ReplyDeleteI do love the images and how we can be stripped bare, feel weakened but all passes eventually... nice :)
ReplyDeleteI love the second the most but both of these are really good shots Heaven, hopefully the bad weather has died down a little now though, sounds like a real pain to me.
ReplyDeleteTwo ways of feeling the same storm-nice idea. I really like the second one, but the line in the first that you have about the ship was powerful for me. My first husband (deceased) was a deep sea welder and of course was at sea most of the time. That line brought the sense of lonely waiting for him to return back to me and how it felt inside not knowing if he would return safely. And the final time, when he did not return.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the personal share Anne ~ That must have been a challenging time in your life ~ Thank you for the visit ~
Delete"bare of songs and frost"--I don't know why this image speaks so powerfully to me, but so it does. Very nice work on both versions!
ReplyDeleteWell, the trees outside are my inspiration ~ Thank you Nico ~
DeleteStorms I hate, especially the snow ones, as they come, you sure caught the storms with ease, stronger than a breeze, that of life and that of nature.
ReplyDeleteI hate snow storms too Pat ~ Funny weather, but it seems its going to be warmer by weekend ~
DeleteBeautiful write, Grace.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ayala ~
DeleteI like the concept of this written nearly identical in two parts. And I enjoyed the imagery as well. ~ peace, Jason
ReplyDeleteThank you Jason ~
DeleteIt reminds me of how much I worry about the little birds and how they survive in the world. Drought, famine, freezing rain, snow, storms, predators... and they survive it all while I have on my fuzzy slippers and warm cocoa. How do they do it? How does the blood not freeze in those tiny little feet???
ReplyDeleteGood question but I think animals are made to survive such storms ~ Thanks for the visit ~
DeleteI really like this contrast of the two versions. Beautiful and sexy. Particularly love this line: "the trees, bare of songs and frost,
ReplyDeletetrembled under the moon’s soulful eyes-"
Thank you Nara ~
Deletemaking love during a lightening and thunderstorm? I'm not sure it would ever happen in our house... all the dogs and kids pile in our room! :) This is, as usual, beautifully done (I feel bad making a joke as you worked so hard)
ReplyDeleteHa..ha...I hope you are feeling better ~ Thanks for the visit Margaret ~
DeleteI do love both versions! I had to chuckle at Margaret's comment. Kids do change things. :-)
ReplyDeleteGrace....
ReplyDeleteI really don't know what to say, both versions were very beautifully brilliant, and passionate!
You my dear are a fantastic wordsmith.
Loved your double dipping 55's
We are all twice as lucky tonight.
Thanks for playing, you ROCK The Great White North Baby!!
Have a Kick Ass Week-End Eh?
There are storms to run from, or evacuate, and others to embrace what is true and real and yours. I loved the images and the presentation of tender but honest voice.
ReplyDeleteI like them both. Very vivid. Sounds like it was a doozy!
ReplyDeleteI like the two, like looking in a mirror. I'd like to be riding out that storm on a ship with a lover. Only thing better would be riding in a sleeper car through the Rocky Mountains in a thunderstorm.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant write.... loved the way you bought it all together....
ReplyDeleteBeautiful images giving layers of meaning.
ReplyDeleteWind swirled around
The trunks until they swayed
In catalytic collapse
Such a beautiful description of a storm....the wind picked up at night, swirling of empty nests
ReplyDeleteand cluttered pages-lovely work!
...i see storms in different figures here... a rather intimate one and rings not too hard but more of an easy surrender... reading these two gives me different layers of imagination... clever Grace... smiles...
ReplyDeletenice. I do this quite a bit actually. Sometimes numerous versions. I really like how you put them both up here, while obviously similar, enough changed to enhance sections, really show the differences and love the hallowed vows in the second one. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI love the way you used the wind to set the scene - it can create a sense of isolation, then you peopled it with lovers who could make good use of the chance to be alone together.
ReplyDeleteHeaven for a romantic. It captivated me.
ReplyDeleteI think I prefer number one- But thanks for 2 versions! I love crying
ReplyDeleteroses! great piece.
The two evokes different moods and conclusions. The first is metaphorical and descriptive, no matter how destructive, the storm does pass eventually. The second is something I recognize as more of your style and voice. The second one seems deeper, the storm seems fiercer connected to the passion of love and lovemaking, hints of trial overcome, it is more felt and it seems to me, raises more emotions that the first one.
ReplyDeleteAwesome write.
Both work very well - the heedlessness of the storm - when mother at nature at work, doesn't much care for what's below! And great 55s. thanks. k.
ReplyDeleteVery close to Chinese's poetic description of lovemaking !
ReplyDeletethe perfect storm. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Grace for this breathtaking WOW! YOU and Mother Nature have aligned a true work of art~ :D
ReplyDeleteI am glad you posted both of these Grace. I was quite amazed how just a few changes made the poem into something quite different. That was a WOW for me (as well as the description of the storm--glad it passed). Write on!
ReplyDeleteThe deep meaning behind this poem is profound. Still trying to fully understand what it says to me about relationships. Beautiful.
ReplyDelete..stormy weather ...great imaging letting nature be your guide ;)
ReplyDeleteA double whammy, and no mistake. Well done.:)
ReplyDeleterelationships and storms are def comparable, no doubt about it.
ReplyDeleteI really like the line 'the trees, bare of songs and frost,'
ReplyDeleteand also your closing.
quite a stormy relationship
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, a poem very addictive, full of nuances like a night breeze.
ReplyDeletegreat take on the prompts AND in 55 words!
ReplyDeletehave a wonderful week, Grace!
♥
fabulous imagery in this poem
ReplyDelete