Thursday, 27 October 2011

Under the block

everywhere
i search for whiff
of your warm breath,
speck of dust from
cold pale skin,
just any part of you
even your shadow
behind grey roof




during grandpa’s funeral, 
grandma roasted a fat pig,
chickens for the guests
amidst murmured words,
i heard yelps by  
animals in back kitchen.

heart attack-
i was told.

Author's Note: Posted for Poetry United:   Writer's Block  - the first part of the poem.

And D'Verse Poets Pub- Meeting the Bar: Critique and Craft - Conflation.  Hosted by emmett wheatfall.

  • Write a poem that is constructed using conflation. This means the poem must possess at least two different, wholly unrelated themes package together.


  • To challenge you further, the two or more thematic aspects of the poem must be revealing about yourself. 



    • Also for Flash Fiction 55.   G-man, joining you today.   

    picture credit:  Adam Martinakis (Greece), here
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    45 comments:

    1. Brian Miller27 October 2011 at 17:32

      this is hot...both heart attacks...really i think you nailed this prompt actually...far better than i....the animal yelps out back...ack...makes me think dinner is on the way...smiles..well played heaven...

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    2. Mystic_Mom27 October 2011 at 17:34

      Brian took my comment but I'll say it again - you nailed it! Well done!

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    3. Daydreamertoo27 October 2011 at 17:36

      Oh yuck on the animals screaming.. Not coming to dinner at yours if it's THAT fresh! LOL

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    4. Thom Woodruff aka Thom World Poet / Thom Moon 10 / Thom the Circus / Thom Anon / Thom the Future27 October 2011 at 17:53

      Excellent on both counts!

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    5. Rosemary Nissen-Wade27 October 2011 at 17:55

      Oops, sorry, that was me not Thom. I moderate his blog and forgot where I was looking from. :-D

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    6. Lisa27 October 2011 at 17:57

      Wow. You multi-task yet we are right there with you.

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    7. Mary27 October 2011 at 18:03

      I am writing in response to Poets United. Indeed sometime we search for that warm breath, knowing it is there but eludes us. Writers Block indeed.

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    8. Anonymous27 October 2011 at 18:13

      very interesting poem style.

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    9. Anonymous27 October 2011 at 18:21

      I'm new at conflation, but this strikes me as a perfect example. Really great poem.

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    10. Anonymous27 October 2011 at 18:24

      Great poem, I really liked it...

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    11. Tashtoo27 October 2011 at 18:30

      You've done a fantastic job from my limited understanding. Emmett provided a great challenge today...my head's still reeling, but this reads effortlessly.

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    12. Unknown27 October 2011 at 18:33

      This might be the best use of the prompt I've read yet, and I'm almost read them all. Great job, thanks for the read

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    13. Virginia Robert27 October 2011 at 18:45

      Great poem! It painted a great picture of the funeral gathering. I was right there when the animals screamed.

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    14. emmett wheatfall27 October 2011 at 19:04

      Yes! You got it. And what a rich poem this is. I loved it from its very beginning. Then was thrilled by the change in the second stanza. A very nice write.

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    15. Scarlet27 October 2011 at 19:22

      Thank you everyone for the comments.

      Thanks Emmett for hosting and giving us this challenging prompt.

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    16. Monkey Man27 October 2011 at 20:10

      You hit those feelings right on the mark.

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    17. Anonymous27 October 2011 at 20:20

      Well done. Great contrasts and interplay.

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    18. Christine27 October 2011 at 20:20

      read his challenge, then came to your post first to see how it's done, the way you use the picture to separate the poem, starting with "during grandpa's funeral" works perfect here, nicely done, thanks for the lesson

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    19. Barry27 October 2011 at 20:26

      To be honest I didn't much care for this piece at first read, but when I went over it a few more times it grew on me more. Rather intriguing, methinks.

      I'd like to suggest you consider putting a book of your poetry together. I'd most definitely buy a copy.

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    20. Mary27 October 2011 at 20:29

      Heaven, now I concentrate on the 2nd stanza, for dVerse. I wonder about the heart attack and why you didn't know for sure. Animals screaming, I hate the thought. I have heard my little dogs yelp in pain. Hard to listen to. Blessings to you.

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    21. Pat Hatt27 October 2011 at 20:30

      As said perfect, you really did nail it, made both work with such a smooth transition, poor animal in the back kitchen..haha

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    22. hedgewitch27 October 2011 at 20:37

      Enigmatic and well delivered. The sparse nature of the word limitation really adds to the tension.

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    23. G-Man27 October 2011 at 21:13

      Unrelated? You ain't kiddin!
      It is 55 words...
      Your writing is very intense Heaven
      You do a fantastic job.
      Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

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    24. Anonymous27 October 2011 at 21:21

      after a couple of reads, I read the title... :) before that I thought the thing sought (1st stanza) was a person, perhaps grandpa (but not likely, because this is conflation at its best, MO). very visual, especially the second part; very sensual, the first. well done!

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    25. Kikit27 October 2011 at 21:59

      my country is known for its lechon (roasted pigs). we usually have them during big family gatherings, including funerals. many of us are already used to hearing them scream.

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    26. Margaret27 October 2011 at 22:22

      roasted pig is appropriate for just about any type of gathering, I suppose!

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    27. cj Schlottman27 October 2011 at 22:29

      As a widow, the first stanza moved me to tears. As a human being, the second one moved me to nausea. Well done,

      Namaste..........cj

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    28. Laurie Kolp27 October 2011 at 22:40

      This is fantastic... and sad.

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    29. Claudia27 October 2011 at 23:58

      haha well played heaven...the heart attack drives it all home...grandma roasting that fat pig..ugh...well played

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    30. moondustwriter28 October 2011 at 03:06

      personally I like the first piece it had an eiry beauty

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    31. 1ManView28 October 2011 at 03:15

      A n excellent challenge, met by two excellent poems...

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    32. kaykuala28 October 2011 at 04:51

      Animals yelping and screaming! Gosh! There is a lot of realism in its making. Excellent verse!

      Hank

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    33. Rachel Hoyt28 October 2011 at 09:32

      VERY cool photo interpretation!

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    34. Unknown28 October 2011 at 09:35

      The spareness of the first piece lends itself to a feeling, a tone, of loss.

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    35. Anonymous28 October 2011 at 10:24

      You really covered all the bases in this one, excellent work. I too winced.

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    36. Anonymous28 October 2011 at 10:29

      Yeah, great!!!

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    37. author.nara.malone28 October 2011 at 10:53

      You nailed this on so many levels, that first verse made me shiver and those yelps made me shudder. Well done.

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    38. Maude Lynn28 October 2011 at 11:01

      This is outstanding, Heaven!

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    39. Margie28 October 2011 at 12:11

      Heaven, read some of the comments and not much I can add that has not been said except BRAVO!
      You are a wonderful poet!

      Margie :)

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    40. Jyoti Mishra28 October 2011 at 13:57

      brilliantly written...
      I m gonna say it again as every one did it :P u nailed it !!

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    41. Ella28 October 2011 at 14:05

      Interesting take on the prompt! You unearthed the voice of despair~

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    42. Anonymous28 October 2011 at 15:10

      i like how OCEANGIRL put it -multi-tasking

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    43. ✿29 October 2011 at 00:09

      I love these lines in combination with the picture; how cool!

      "even your shadow
      behind grey roof"

      ~Shawna (arbitrarymeaning.blogspot.com)

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    44. Dave King29 October 2011 at 04:31

      Great lines. Enjoyable read.

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    45. void29 October 2011 at 23:46

      you write so beautifully...

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    Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~

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