Thursday, 21 July 2011

Friday Romantic Challenge: Coming Home

My eyes dried out of tears
As you wore proudly
the insignia and stripes
of your uniform
glistening boldly in the sun

My eyes dried out of tears
As I kissed you gently
Reminding me of life’s
Fleeting moments against
The dark shadows of war

My eyes dried out of tears
As I caressed your strong hands
Loving you meant sleeping with danger 
Intense, adrenalin pumping, unpredictable   
But it also felt like a warm blanket,
Smelling of home.      


My eyes dried out of tears
As my hand felt the cold metallic
Glass draped with a flag,  
I heard your voice echoing in my ears,
“Wait for me.  I am coming home.”

As I waved my final good bye,
I opened my hand to see
your name engraved on the tag    
Warm from your blood,  
A teardrop fell on my arm,
as I walked
Home.






Author's Note:   This post is for Romantic Friday Writers - Challenge:  Coming Home.   
Based on the theme, Coming Home, we are to write a story in less than 400 words. 
picture credit:  militaryheroes.tumblr


Shared with Poetry United:   The Poetry Panty #59.   Nice to meet you ~

24 comments:

  1. You captured the emotion so well, I felt every painful moment...truly beautiful

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  2. Heaven, this is an all too painful reality of the wages of war.
    You expressed it beautifully.

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  3. Wonderful capture of the moment and how hard it is to deal with.

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  4. this is so painful:(
    You expressed the emotions in a very poignant manner..

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  5. Yes, it's all too real for some, too.
    Poignant, and heartbreaking to have to be the bearer of that home coming.
    A lovely tribute.
    (I was in the Women's Royal Army Corps for 4 Years)

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  6. great piece...you capture a lot of the feeling...seeing them leave and knowing they may never come home...sad....

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  7. This is very sad but wonderfully expressed!
    Bravo, Heaven, on your writing ability!

    Margie :)

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  8. Hi Heaven. Welcome to RFWers. First time I've read your work and I'm blown away by the emotion of your words. You captured the theme wonderfully.

    Denise

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  9. So emotional and poignant, you captured the whole essence of love and loss.

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  10. Heaven, I love your work, and MOST of this poem works well for me, and gives me the sad, poignant feeling you're trying to express.

    This line, however: "My eyes dried out of tears" - I understand what you are trying to say - the person has wept so long and hard there aren't any tears left, the eyes are now dry and burning. Been there, cried that. And I love the repetition, that part works well, but that phrase itself feels a bit awkward, and took me out of the mood a little bit. Others may feel differently, of course. :-) If you choose to polish this, I would look for a better way to express that phrase.

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  11. Hi,

    This is so romantic, so full of loss and pain, and the rhythm of the prose flows beautifully. A sad home coming, indeed.

    Poetry can often seem out of context or not as expected to the uninitiated, but a line of this altered would steal the voice away. ;)

    best
    F

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  12. I feel like crying after reading that. Emotional home coming. Well written.

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  13. Wonderful writing. Poignant all too real for some.

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  14. Emotionally gripping. My heart is broken for her loss. "Wait for me" was so well timed and beautiful.

    ........dhole

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  15. Thank you for your wonderful words. I feel very encouraged to write more of this theme. I don't normally write sad romance stories but thought it would be interesting to write this. I read some blogs by military wives/partners to gain insights on their feelings. And its really sad.

    As to the line - My eyes dried out of tears - this phrase became the "backbone" of this story. I feel that if I change this, it would not have the same impact. Thanks again for your feedback ~

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  16. Very strong and evocative. Your writing is wonderful because I can sense how you feel.

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  17. Full of emotion and I loved the refrain - My eyes dried out of tears

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  18. This is sad but well written.

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  19. Heaven,

    I liked your words very much indeed.
    You have captured the real human feeling of love and loss, so very well.

    Eileen

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  20. the repetition really makes this poem - good style

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  21. You touched on all the stages of loving a warrior, including that of grief.

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  22. I adore your poetry and this is such a beautiful and painful take on the theme. Evocative and heartbreaking.

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Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~