I wipe
red lipstick stain on
brim of white coffee cup
combing
long dark hair, unbraided
not a strand uncurled
I whisper
words lest secrets echo
beyond walls of silvery glass
gazing
familiar reflection yet
a stranger in the mirror
imperfections under blush of powder
suntan glossing over deep emotions
I breathe
under your skin,
warm dulcet voice calling your name
Do you see me ?
Posted for Poet United: The Thursday Think Tank #66 - Glass Houses. My own interpretation of glass houses. My FFF 55 post is here.
Also offered for D'Verse Poets Pub: Meeting the Bar: Critique and Craft.
picture credit: http://silent-musings.tumblr.com/post/10149554926
naked beauty.
ReplyDeletewow.
nice heaven...breathing under the skin...can i see you...oh yes...smiles. i will be back in a bit to give you a little crit...perfect pic too...
ReplyDeleteHi heaven - im accidentally occupying 2 seats at the bar - but hey i guess it means i get to sit next to more poets - lol
ReplyDeletethis piece has all your usual soft style - you write with such a cool and clear voice and this is so refreshing for me to read as my poetry tends to be edgy and sometimes uncomfortable - reading your work is a fantastic antidote for my darker stuff - a perfect contrast.
this piece has real romance and love and you always stay on the right side of the sentimenatal line - including imperfections and some of the realities of love and image. for this reason this is my favourite stanza.
imperfections under blush of powder
suntan glossing over deep emotions
my critical skills arent that great when it comes to technicalities as i have no formal poetic instruction - but in my opinion it is the authenticity of the author which counts for so much and the heaven persona is one i can relate to and belive in therefore i admire your integrity and application of myour own meaning and sense of truth
nice elements that allow each stanza to stand alone - (except stanza 5)
ReplyDeletereally beautifully written
Really nice undertone to this one and a soft raw feel too it, really liked this piece.
ReplyDeleteNice flow...beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteEvery verse is a picture or an action. No editorializing to distract. This elevates the writing, especially in combination with your topic. I'm really not a critic, but I think you've hit a great combination of style, form and content. A fine poem.
ReplyDeleteI just love this Heaven... as always.
ReplyDeletethis was somewhat chilling for me - a quiet beautiful scene that hints at an impending terror (or maybe I just watch too many scary movies.) either way, it is a wonderful poem that highlights your unique writing talent and voice.
ReplyDeleteactually, she is difficult to see. you give a nice luscious lipstick stain and dark hair to feel. after that, whispers and echoes in beautiful mirror chambers followed by breathing and calling, which can't be seen.
ReplyDeletei think it works. it's like deflection. some people really are difficult to see. some people are masters at it.
under the glass seems to mean it's about a picture or photo. please let me know:)
My understanding of this poem, I think it about seeing the person within, past the gilts and all. Nice response to the prompt, I say.. And thank you from before
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone. Yes, it is about us seeing ourselves (our imperfections, our secrets), guilts (wiping the stains), and our deep seated desires and emotions. We may try to hide it from others, even fool our selves, but we always know us underneath.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, I hope whomever it is see her.
ReplyDeleteThis is exquisite in its longing.
Lots of good things here, like the line:
ReplyDeletesuntan glossing over deep emotions
The effect of the stanzas is cumulative. The image is powerful, but I was glad it came last and had to be scrolled down to, for I think it might have influenced my reading of the poem.
I truly love your way of expressing the deep emotions n feelings!!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome read as ever.
Wonderful interpretation. My favorite lines:
ReplyDelete"I whisper
words lest secrets echo
beyond walls of silvery glass"
Oh, Heaven I really like this : ) So many beautiful words...
ReplyDeleteThe part I found most interesting about the glass was its mirror capabilities. Mostly, it's transparent, but it can reflect the truth whether it be beauty or ugliness. I liked this line best:
gazing
familiar reflection yet
a stranger in the mirror
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words.
-Eva
Sensuality personified...
ReplyDeletestapled maples
Heaven, I loved the way you formed this poem. Each thought in its place. The woman looking in the mirror feeling distant:
ReplyDeletegazing
familiar reflection yet
a stranger in the mirror
Not being seen unless she is seen?
I read this 3 times, each time gathering a uniqie feeling. Just beautiful!
This is quite brilliant:
ReplyDelete"whisper words lest secrets echo"
Because it is a bit of a tongue-twister and lends itself to lisping (slipping and sliding through words) if not read slowly, it forces an impacting slow-motion read unlike the rest of the piece. So for me, the whole poem hinges on this line. Bravo.
What I liked about this is the implicit deal struck by the protagonist - she asks "do you see me" after describing how she wants to be seen. -
ReplyDeleteSubtle and well done, Moskowitz
I'm on my way to read your 55, but really wanted to let you know how much hot talent this poem shows!
ReplyDeletelovely sensual lines....nicely crafted words!
ReplyDeletea beautiful take on the prompt. there is a sensual feeling hidden deep in this poem. awesome.
ReplyDelete