whisk her
magnificent castle
one day,
long awaited knock at door
shoe in hand
she tried it but it didn't fit her
regretfully, he said
she wasn't “it”
she closed door
opening hope chest,
unwrapped matching shoe
slim, fragile glass
reflecting woman,
wider in girth, dark with soot
outside, rain poured
Author's Note: Flash Fiction Friday - Tell a story in 55 words - G-Man.
Poet's United: Thursday Think Tank: Rain. When I think of rain, it connotes sad and/or reflective moments for me.
Poetry Jam - a twist in a fairy tale of someone with a glass slipper. What if?
Picture credit: http://silent-musings.tumblr.com/
Poetry Jam - a twist in a fairy tale of someone with a glass slipper. What if?
Picture credit: http://silent-musings.tumblr.com/
OH you told the story of love and pain to perfection my friend
ReplyDeleteI didn't expect she had the shoe's mate hidden away. Poor thing. Doesn't she know there are other shoes and other princes?
ReplyDeleteLove and pain...sad.
ReplyDeleteif the prince would not have waited so long perhaps it would have fit...nice remodel on cinderella
ReplyDeleteAnother sad rain poem. I am glad I live where I can like it when it rains! Your story had an interesting twist with the glass slipper mate--and the rain did cast a mood.
ReplyDeletewhat else she got in that hope chest? video games? magazines? i guess i'm thinking of what i'd have in a hope chest:) i swear i don't have one.
ReplyDeleteAh, but if that Prince had looked in a mirror, I bet he wasn't quite so fair anymore either... sounds like she was better off without him.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great twist and I really liked it.
I think that girl switched sides!
ReplyDeleteBut never mind that, your story ROCKED!!
It was interesting, and perfect!
Loved your 55 Heaven
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G
Wow quite the story in 55
ReplyDeleteI second the you rocked it at your hive.
Heaven sure is alive
With quite the jive.
haha oh that was sad
Just a tad
Oh and fyi, my post tomorrow morning I blame on you, it was sure interesting to do..haha
beautiful 55, the sketch makes one wonder for more..
ReplyDeleteit is fascinating to see you add grace and fantasy to the Cinderella story.
A great combination of several prompts... please check Imaginary Garden with Real Toads on Friday...
ReplyDeleteLoved it - one of my WIPs is using fairy tales as the base - this was a nice twist and an inspiration - thanks
ReplyDeleteHappy weekend
Oh what a cool rain poem. Love the final lines and the image suits the poem perfectly.
ReplyDeleteOh, what time can do to a girl...never mind her hopes! :)
ReplyDeleteA sad tile of love
ReplyDeletenice one...the allusion works so well here
ReplyDeletesad and haunting~
ReplyDeleteThe choices we make! thanks-
ReplyDeleteAnother one who's not Cinderella, eh? Nice 55 tale.
ReplyDeleteSome day her prince will come. Guess she got her wish.
ReplyDeleteVery, very nice. Full of vivid imagery, a lovely write and even better, read.
ReplyDeleteI like the twist of your fairytale. Rain does cause me to be reflective. It's raining right now.
ReplyDeleteGreat twist to the tale! Really cool, Heaven.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the shoe just does not fit...better to figure that out before a long walk in the park. Wonderful writing Heaven. :-)
ReplyDeletethere is a deep pain hidden in this poem. a fairy tale with a twist and different viewpoint. cinderella meets beauty and the beast. awesome work.
ReplyDeletereminds me of Cindarella :)
ReplyDeleteGreat retelling of the fairytale--and that would be my luck, too.
ReplyDeleteExcellent write!
ReplyDeleteShe's not the one. The last few lines denote depression of sorts. No details but you are left with that hint. This is such fresh angle on that old tale. And I don't think I like this prince very much, especially when he referred to what he is looking for as "it".
Rather sad. The imagery of rain falling compliments the gloom of not being 'the one'.
ReplyDeleteThe rain completes the gloomy ending..
ReplyDeletedivisive
nice play here on "aschenputtel" how we call her in germany...when the shoes don't fit...one can always walk barefoot...with or without prince..smiles
ReplyDeletelovly words...nice crafted lines!
ReplyDeleteHis loss. He shouldn't have waited so long.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, perfect.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I just noticed this morning that my right shoe was tighter than my left one. It makes me think that perhaps I'm not the one either :)
ReplyDeleteoh so sad is life sometimes
ReplyDeleteI read through this a few times before I could put a finger on how it made me feel. It was sad, yes, that he couldn't recognize her after time had changed her, and she wasn't "it" anymore. But she also didn't try and pretend she was still the girl he met at the ball so many years ago... she didn't plead, or produce the other shoe as proof. She just accepted that she was no longer what he was looking for anymore.
ReplyDeleteIt's very sad, but those are the saddest stories in the end, aren't they? The great romances that can't handle the inevitable change that comes with time? It almost made me feel hopeful... as if she was of strong enough character to hold out for someone who wanted her for who she was becoming, not who she was. The soot implies that she may have a long wait yet, but her hope (or my imagining of it) makes me feel a little optimistic somehow.
I don't know if you'll find this flattering, sweet, or silly; but the fact remains that I've nominated you as among my favorite "Versatile Bloggers" - details of the whole thing can be found on http://bastardconfessions.blogspot.com/2011/11/versatile-blogger-award.html - Oh, also I reproduced excerpts of some of my favorite posts. If, for any reason, you would like anything I wrote about you taken down don't hesitate to let me know.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ethan...I appreciate your kind words ~
ReplyDeleteThere is a melancholy mood to this scenario. The terse nature of your style allows the reader's mind to fill in the picture from their own perspective too.
ReplyDeleteSimply Beautiful
ReplyDelete