falling on black winter boots
an early guest, spring
arrives on rice paper, leaves
of bamboo hollowed in green
~0~0
lips red as ripe plums
sing winter blues and pale sky
i strum my guitar
as sunlight plays with my hair
unbound, like my kimono
~0~0
white is my window
facing west at break of dawn
you close door gently
but I hear the tires screeching
empty road, scraping my skin
and Poetry Jam: So how do you feel
Photo credit: here
Great tanka... I especially like the last one and "I hear the tires screeching
ReplyDeleteempty road, scraping my skin."
Thanks Laurie for the visit.
Delete# an early guest, spring
ReplyDeletearrives on rice paper, leaves
of bamboo hollowed in green..
subtle and gentle expressions..
beautiful !!
Thank you Jyoti. I try to put asian touches to this Japanese poetry form ~
Deletewow that last one is def evocative...the middle one though is just beautiful heaven...love it
ReplyDeleteThanks Brian for your lovely words.
Deleteooh lovely, and Pirate Grace has mysteriously paired us. maybe that means i may unbind your kimono :)
ReplyDeleteoops, did i comment that out loud? :)
he..he...sounds like a fun challenge is coming up ~
DeleteI've re-read them all, and there's still something about the first two lines of the first tanka that I really like, the pink blossoms on the black boots.
ReplyDeleteBut all three are beautifully done.
K
Thank you Kay for the encouraging words.
DeleteWow makes me want spring to be sprung fast, too bad we are getting more snow here tonight, ewww.
ReplyDeleteJust rain here and more double digit warm weather all the week....so spring is in the air :-0
DeleteThese are incredibly lovely. You certainly achieved yugen! The first one is especially wonderful.
ReplyDeleteYou captured it...I didn't get there, but now I have a better idea!
ReplyDeleteI love yours~
These are all great! You always do so well..I am jealous. :)
ReplyDeleteI can really HEAR and FEEL that third one!
ReplyDeletealways love me a mention of cherry blossoms
ReplyDeleteThis is so full of lush image ... unbound hair, unbound kimono, guitar music, flowering trees ... lovely.
ReplyDeletewonderfully written :)
ReplyDeletewonderful imagery! i'm waiting for spring, too. :-)
ReplyDeleteLots of tangible description of feelings here. I love seeing where everyone goes with my prompt. Neat tankas as well.
ReplyDeletethat closure really got me.. very emotive
ReplyDeleteFrom heavenly, to oooo lala, to worrisome all in the span of 15 lines. Thats power....I have to keep my kimono bound, don't want to scare the neighbors they are already suspicious of my existence. You did a great job on this...standing O!
ReplyDeleteOooh! These are so luscious. I love the way you ran a colourful thread through each on.. and the final lines are heart-breaking. You really write wonderfully in these short Japanese forms.
ReplyDeleteThese are beautiful and the last one is heart wrenching. I'm still pondering how to approach my tanka for the Toads challenge.
ReplyDeletereally lovely, could feel the heartbreak of
ReplyDelete"white is my window
facing west at break of dawn
you close door gently
but I hear the tires screeching
empty road, scraping my skin"
I am really glad don't have to pick a favorite, because I would have to give up. Each one has a gem that I could read over and over again. Well done!
ReplyDeleteLove the last stanza, I couldnt have described the experience better...
ReplyDeleteSpring truly has come rather early this year. Loved that first one.
ReplyDelete"leaves of bamboo hollowed in green"
ReplyDeleteThis really stood out for me in the first. I like where you've gone with these. :)
the last was so strong.
ReplyDeletethe calm of the moment in the beginning, jolted into pain with the leaving, the scraping of this untold story against skin.
Your imagery is phenomenal! You always take your reader through myriad reflections, all so beautifully woven! xoxo
ReplyDeletenice...think i should grab my guitar and play a bit...no kimono though..unfortunately..smiles
ReplyDeleteyou close the door gently... great middle line as I expected something totally different to follow!
ReplyDeleteSo much in these, they are all moments fully realised, but for me the last outshines them all. A small masterpiece, this.
ReplyDeleteLove love love this - so gentle & lovely & then CRASH. Excellent!
ReplyDelete