Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Waiting for spring

pink cherry blossoms
falling on black winter boots
an early guest, spring 
arrives on rice paper, leaves 
of bamboo hollowed in green
   
~0~0


lips red as ripe plums
sing winter blues and pale sky        
i strum my guitar
as sunlight plays with my hair  
unbound, like my kimono     

~0~0




white is my window 
facing west at break of dawn
you close door gently 
but I hear the tires screeching 
empty road, scraping my skin 




Posted for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads:   Tanka Form - 5 lines in 5-7-5-7-7 syllabic count and a clear division or turning point between the upper phrase and lower phrase. Try to reach for yugen.   
and Poetry Jam:   So how do you feel


Photo credit:   here

37 comments:

  1. Great tanka... I especially like the last one and "I hear the tires screeching
    empty road, scraping my skin."

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  2. # an early guest, spring
    arrives on rice paper, leaves
    of bamboo hollowed in green..


    subtle and gentle expressions..
    beautiful !!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Jyoti. I try to put asian touches to this Japanese poetry form ~

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  3. wow that last one is def evocative...the middle one though is just beautiful heaven...love it

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    1. Thanks Brian for your lovely words.

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  4. ooh lovely, and Pirate Grace has mysteriously paired us. maybe that means i may unbind your kimono :)
    oops, did i comment that out loud? :)

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    1. he..he...sounds like a fun challenge is coming up ~

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  5. I've re-read them all, and there's still something about the first two lines of the first tanka that I really like, the pink blossoms on the black boots.
    But all three are beautifully done.
    K

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    1. Thank you Kay for the encouraging words.

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  6. Wow makes me want spring to be sprung fast, too bad we are getting more snow here tonight, ewww.

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    1. Just rain here and more double digit warm weather all the week....so spring is in the air :-0

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  7. These are incredibly lovely. You certainly achieved yugen! The first one is especially wonderful.

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  8. You captured it...I didn't get there, but now I have a better idea!
    I love yours~

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  9. These are all great! You always do so well..I am jealous. :)

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  10. I can really HEAR and FEEL that third one!

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  11. This is so creative. Love pink blossoms on black booots and tires screeching scraping skin. You captured strong emotions so vividly :)

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  12. always love me a mention of cherry blossoms

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  13. This is so full of lush image ... unbound hair, unbound kimono, guitar music, flowering trees ... lovely.

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  14. wonderful imagery! i'm waiting for spring, too. :-)

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  15. Lots of tangible description of feelings here. I love seeing where everyone goes with my prompt. Neat tankas as well.

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  16. that closure really got me.. very emotive

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  17. From heavenly, to oooo lala, to worrisome all in the span of 15 lines. Thats power....I have to keep my kimono bound, don't want to scare the neighbors they are already suspicious of my existence. You did a great job on this...standing O!

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  18. Oooh! These are so luscious. I love the way you ran a colourful thread through each on.. and the final lines are heart-breaking. You really write wonderfully in these short Japanese forms.

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  19. These are beautiful and the last one is heart wrenching. I'm still pondering how to approach my tanka for the Toads challenge.

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  20. really lovely, could feel the heartbreak of

    "white is my window
    facing west at break of dawn
    you close door gently
    but I hear the tires screeching
    empty road, scraping my skin"

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  21. I am really glad don't have to pick a favorite, because I would have to give up. Each one has a gem that I could read over and over again. Well done!

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  22. Love the last stanza, I couldnt have described the experience better...

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  23. Spring truly has come rather early this year. Loved that first one.

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  24. "leaves of bamboo hollowed in green"

    This really stood out for me in the first. I like where you've gone with these. :)

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  25. the last was so strong.
    the calm of the moment in the beginning, jolted into pain with the leaving, the scraping of this untold story against skin.

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  26. Your imagery is phenomenal! You always take your reader through myriad reflections, all so beautifully woven! xoxo

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  27. nice...think i should grab my guitar and play a bit...no kimono though..unfortunately..smiles

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  28. you close the door gently... great middle line as I expected something totally different to follow!

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  29. So much in these, they are all moments fully realised, but for me the last outshines them all. A small masterpiece, this.

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  30. Love love love this - so gentle & lovely & then CRASH. Excellent!

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