Saturday, 14 July 2012

Au revoir




                                 french perfume tied by velvet rose            
                                 tear-shaped pearls with sand-papered glow  
                                 mirages   on   desert,    echoes                     
                                 mocking words, turning days hollow         
                                 cheeks sting from unexpected blow         
                                 mouth gapes like a flickering trout                                       
                                 film noir fan,  i'm not,  nor  sallow          
                                 C'est la vie ! i say, chest puffed ou


                              ~0~0~0~

                you talk to me
                                after finishing your french toast 
                                burnt crisp at edges, 
                                like your words

                                while i eat creme brulee
                                slowly, prolonging each bite
                                twisting my au pair skirt,                                                           
                                
                                i don't say anything
                                except to sigh and lick my spoon   
                                we now sound french         
                                to each other


First poem offering is a Huitain or Monk's Stanza Form - For Real Toads Challenge 
and D'verse Poets Pub:   A French Twist for Quatorze Juliet  

Poetry form:  Huitain form poem, also known as The Monk's Stanza
Line length: 8 (French) or 10 (English) syllables 
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbc
Number of lines: 8


picture credit:   here

50 comments:

  1. we now sound french to each other...haha...nice....i like my french toast...have not had it in a while...the burnt around the edges...like the conversation, quite telling...smiles....

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    1. French is actually a second language here in Canada. But most Canadians don't speak French..ha..ha... Thanks for the visit and support Brian ~

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  2. nice..love me a good creme brulee...made one myself once and it tasted like scrambled eggs..smiles..very cool on the conversation or non-conversation with sounding french to each other

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    1. Creme brulee is my fav dessert ~ Thanks for the visit Claudia ~

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  3. Terrific - liked them both immensely, but maybe especially the second (perhaps because not so dark.) Well done, witty--and distilled. k.

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    1. Thanks for the compliments K ~

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  4. Oooo I love Creme brulee too. This is very sensual Heaven. Nothing sexier than sharing a romantic meal. French treats, thrown in :)
    Yes, French is the second language in Canada but, they mostly use it as a first langue (English as second) in Quebec. Not surprisingly eh.

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    1. Nope. Thanks for the kind words and visit Bren ~

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  5. Yes... both wonderful, but I really like the second.

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  6. "we now sound french
    to each other"

    Outstanding! Really nice writing, Heaven.

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    1. Thanks for the lovely words MZ ~ I appreciate it ~

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  7. There really is something about "French perfume" unlike any other kind of perfume.

    And I think to sound "French" to each other is the height of romantic, or is this just me?

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    1. My interpretation of "sounding french" is different ~

      But it's all good Mary ~ Thanks for the visit ~

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  8. I like the language in the first poem a lot. The flickering trout image is great. I like how it pairs up with another focus on the mouth in the second poem.

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    1. Thanks for the thoughtful comments Mark ~ I really appreciate it ~

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  9. So sweet, and the photo you made for it is just a perfect accompliment.

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  10. Beautiful takes for both. A French outing this time around. A matching photo you have here Heaven!

    Hank

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  11. Wow, that really is like those French love-hate relationships we see in movies. How tempestuous! Haha. I especially liked that his/her words were "burnt crisp at edges": very well turned!

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  12. You sure brought the french to the scene and of course you would having lived in frenchy land for so long haha

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  13. Wow, an eight syllable huitain - even more difficult, but you made it look easy. Loved the French twist poem very much too.

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  14. Ooh la la love the french toast and creme brulee e cest la vie! Sweet and tasty, yes. gardenlilie.com

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  15. Well Done...I love the twist. I thought oooh, so forbidden for the monk, lol~
    So romantic and exudes pleasure~

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  16. french toast
    burnt crisp at edges,
    like your words

    Love the imagery.

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  17. "echoes mocking words, turning days hollow"

    I enjoy the especially empty feeling of this portion...excellently written on both of these offerings, Grace!

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  18. My Grandfather didn't speak English until his early 20's (only French). My Grandmother taught him after they were married. He still chose to speak French most of the time though.

    I love both of your poems and am now wanting some creme brulee!

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  19. to the first: courage
    to the second: it is funny how we find each other

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  20. "burnt crisp at edges,
    like your words "...love these words! brilliant!

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  21. I think your Huitain is top drawer, Grace. Your phrasing is such that the rhyme scheme never over-powers. Lovely.

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  22. Beautiful! I love those last two lines!

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  23. I have read the first one three times and am intrigued with the form, but mostly I just love your poem! The second one screams to be a screenplay!

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  24. the french language is simply sweet, just like this write.

    xo

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  25. I love the relationship that you create. The contrast stands out nicely.

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  26. Lovely images come to mind..

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  27. I always go for the creme brulee! The French are such gastronomic geniuses, surely the height of taste. Love the idea that sharing food brings to mind that connection with another culture. The idea that we form of other people and how we commune with them is very powerful in human beings.

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  28. couldn't help thinking the three ovals and tildas were smoke rings from a french cigarette ;-)

    esp liked,

    "i eat creme brulee
    slowly, prolonging each bite
    twisting my au pair skirt"

    sexy bites! ;-) nice, thanks heaven!

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  29. Both are wonderful, Grace. I always love, and look forward to reading, your work.

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  30. You made me want to go and get some of that creme brulee--mmmm
    A great exchange of moods and foods :-)

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  31. love the last line--and perfect form!

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  32. Oooh, two fantastic poems! Love the creme brulee after the french toast (burnt crisp at the edges) the au pair skirt, and yes absolutely the last line. Thank you.

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  33. In the first poem - bristling description in "mouth gapes like a flickering trout..." - like a silent bite!
    In the second poem - the French twist reminds me of hair coiling, symbolising a slow, agonising revenge!
    Loved both poems!

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  34. As an aside...Ooooh! I'm a big film noir fan too.
    Having said that, I love the way you put this one together :)
    This is most apt:
    C'est la vie ! i say, chest puffed out

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  35. I especially liked the second one a lot. Good, sensual write, erotic imagery... very "French" :P

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  36. I read them as one poem first--until I got to your note--and it worked, truly with her passive in the first and passive aggressive in the second, though she does not speak at all. Sounding French, then, meant the hit and the anger versus the puffing up, pursed lips and erotic eating. I see that the forms are too separate for that. As a form, the first poem truly works with an inside landscape consistent with its emotional environment, thick with apprehension. In the second, fear is gone and boredom remains--a slightly amused boredom with a slight handful of anxiety. Both are remarkable!

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  37. Two sensuous poems indeed! I can't help but think if my words were a bit more like creme brulee I wouldn't mind eating them so much on occasion!

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  38. I think, here, the most is said in the places where nothing is said.
    There is a communication deeper than words.
    Rick

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Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~