gold leaves all astray
unbidden, you slay
words so soft, still
red blooms have faded
as long years raided
chest of seeds, naked
longing to spill
sea of knowing you
sky of bitter blue
my eyes awake, true
i learn to write
of missing spaces
room, empty of place,
scentless, my lips trace
you, in moonlight
Posted for: D'verse Poets: The Beautiful Sadness
and Real Toads: Poetry form is Cyhydedd Hir. I have used this pattern:
x x x x A
x x x x A
x x x x A
x x x B
The Kiss by Theodore Gericault
c. 1822
Sepia wash and charcoal on paper, 203 x 368 mm
Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza, Madrid
Picture credit: WikiPaintings.org
nice imagery here grace...esp. loved..i learn to write of missing spaces.. think it leads me into something personal..but somehow...yes.. i think as writers we do..
ReplyDeleteAgree with Claudia, gorgeous descriptions....beautiful & sensuous writing :)
ReplyDeletesome really nice touches here...learning to write of the empty places...tracing them in the moonlight....words like slay and bitter really add another layer of emotion as well...
ReplyDeleteThis is gorgeous, Heaven. Your phrasing is so smooooth, and serves to break the rigidity of the rhyme scheme and forcefully short lines.
ReplyDeleteThe mood you create is palpable. Lovely work.
great great form...and you capture a melancholy here that is so strong...something about love, or the search for it, that makes us ache all day and all night long...so nice...ill probably read this another ten times before the night is out
ReplyDeleteI learn to write of missing spaces.. sounds sad. I love 'my lips trace you in moonlight'
ReplyDeleteLovely. :)
Powerful sad beauty! In the first stanza I nearly missed "unbidden, you slay"--reading it as "you STAY"--which confused the sense of your poem until I looked at it again. Long loving, though "red blooms have faded / as long years raided / chest of seeds." Wow! Things do change, lacks are discovered along with Voice, beautiful creativity:
ReplyDelete"sea of knowing you
sky of bitter blue
my eyes awake, true
i learn to write"
And here we are, spilling and loving and tracing, and going on. Thank you.
Gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteI love the way this piece rolls off the tongue. This part is my favorite,
ReplyDelete"sea of knowing you
sky of bitter blue
my eyes awake, true
i learn to write
of missing spaces
room, empty of place,
scentless, my lips trace
you, in moonlight"
Just lovely :) Hope you are well!
I love the ending... my lips trace you, in moonlight. Truly a beautiful sadness, and a loving one!
ReplyDeleteBeing amiss can lead to bliss or maybe not, either way you rhyme a whole lot, have to love that, pretending to be the cat haha
ReplyDeleteThat reads well and goes well with the picture. Nice form.
ReplyDeletebeautiful imagery
ReplyDeleteGood job with the pattern! I like how it emphasizes the last line. And your poem ends with the moonlight... you won my heart at this!
ReplyDeleteA very pretty poem, beautiful form well-executed. k.
ReplyDeleteRead it twice... the longing is lovely, although sad.
ReplyDeleteWonderful descriptions and in keeping with your trade-mark, sensuously placed. Great write Heaven!
ReplyDeleteHank
lovely imagery...love "my lips trace
ReplyDeleteyou, in moonlight "
really nice. Love the tone and images here. and love the combination of the two one liners, longing to spill, you in moonlight. Nicely done. Thanks
ReplyDeletelovely imagery...loved ur choice of the picture too...
ReplyDeleteI like how the form sits quietly underneath the images, providing a comforting unity to the verse - wonderfully done.
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautifully written. Excellent work!
ReplyDeleteThat was a really sweet, inviting read, grace
ReplyDeleteRick
The short rhymed phrases convey so much, Heaven. Beautiful job on both prompts.
ReplyDeletesuch longing, my goodness, you are so good with the pining. excellent, dearest :)
ReplyDeleteI love the painting that goes with the words. Perfect!
ReplyDeleteA lovely poem-- "the sea of knowing you"-- that alone could be riffed on endlessly, it seems. A classy, well-crafted poem~ xxxj
ReplyDeleteYou have a way of using words to convey tenderness so beautifully...love the form you used.
ReplyDeleteThis is it - the beautiful sadness. Lovely work.
ReplyDeletesea of knowing you
ReplyDeletesky of bitter blue
my eyes awake, true
i learn to write
...love this. sweet flowing melancholy here. nice.
this is such a beautiful sadness... love it! these lines, especially:
ReplyDeletered blooms have faded
as long years raided
chest of seeds, naked
just fabulous!
I love this, Grace, particularly these two lines:
ReplyDelete"sea of knowing you
sky of bitter blue"
A poignant poem—a very good write.
K
It is often the missing spaces that we miss. Beautifully written!
ReplyDeletemysterious, sad, and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAwesome poem ... really a nice read. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteNice poem. Please check out my new poetry blogzine and submit your best work: brevitypoetryreview.blogspot.com/
ReplyDelete"sea of knowing you
ReplyDeletesky of bitter blue
my eyes awake, true
i learn to write
of missing spaces
room, empty of place,
scentless, my lips trace
you, in moonlight"
LOVELY!!!!!
{sigh}
ReplyDeletethis is one of your best, Heaven! absolutely LOVE this!
lovely to see you, dear.
♥
lovely poem.....simply yet touchy.....
ReplyDeletei simply love the way u express the beautiful feeling "love" and feelings associated with it....:)
Wow, lovely and impressive! I found this form way beyond me! Write on.
ReplyDelete