Saturday, 14 April 2012

Secrets




there are secrets we hide
when we go down the grey subway steps 


                                                                        the water was warm as the afternoon sun
                                                                        touching our boat, into the underground river
  
squeezed into the train corner,
not a muscle twitching as we read
our morning papers, a coffee in hand


                                                                        with our rain jackets, we rode into the mouth of the
                                                                        river shrouded with bats and flashlight,
we took in all the sights and sound of the cave, all senses alive 
                                                                                                                                                                  

as the train rolls and heaves
underneath the suits and heels
we hold our nostrils and our opinions
politely, our eyes peering the dusty floor


                                                                       as the paddle boat inched along dark wall,  
                                                                       your hand found me, followed by your lips 
                                                                       warm as the volcanic and granite stones,
                                                                       maps forgotten as we relished our exploration

the train halts on our station, we excuse
ourselves, and step into the steel pathway,
along with the rest of the crowd, we follow
shuffling our feet, bells ringing as doors close 
                                                                                     
                                                                       
it was an adventure of  the sun and islands,
the passageways in the dark tunnels smelled 
                                                                       our primal emotions, unleashed like piercing 
                                                                       cries of the bats clinging on the ceiling cave
  
we work and smile, great weekend, thank you
all polite, nice and routine as the subway schedule


                                                                       as the sun went down, we held on to each other
                                                                        fiercely as lovers departing on opposite platforms  
                                                                     
trying not to exhale the spice in our tongue 
trying not to burst into tears at the sight of the sun    



there are secrets we hide
when we go down the grey subway steps 
                                                                                


Posted for :   D'verse Poets Pub - Subway



picture credit:  here

49 comments:

  1. oh grace, this is delicious...i think i would much rather the right side...smiles...sounds adventurous...and it rings a nice contrast to the left...secrets, ok i might have a few...smiles.

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    1. Really Brian. This is based on an adventure to the underground river and cave ~ Thanks for the visit ~

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  2. whew...this is hot..love the two parallel rails that go in such opposite directions and touch only on the level that escapes our eyes..nice..

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    1. Thanks Claudia...well yours is pretty hot too ~

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  3. Oh, two very different rides. Very vivid imagery all through this.
    Ditto on preferring the second :)

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    1. Thanks Bren. I am happy you see it that way (though I had problems with the formatting) ~

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  4. Wow! This is like trying to watch two movie at once on a split screen! Both of them want your atention! I got whiplash! Very nicely done!
    http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/ah-the-aroma/

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    1. I never thought of it that way. Thanks Charles...Here have a subway sandwich ..ha..ha.. ~

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  5. Spectacular, how you can come up with two rides like these. You're so creative. I really enjoyed both sides.

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    1. Thanks Myrna for the kind words ~

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  6. I love the way that you structured this! Delicious write!

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  7. Love the structure and thinking behind this. Thank you.

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    1. Thanks for your lovely comments.

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  8. yes, I agree, very nice structure!

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  9. I love your opening and closing lines of repetition.

    And these:
    "trying not to exhale the spice in our tongue
    trying not to burst into tears at the sight of the sun"

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  10. heaven: your poem is sublimely erotic, glowing in life-affirmation.
    the zig-zag nature of your poem is like the circle of life.
    reminds me of a very good indie film in black and white.

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  11. Great piece Heaven. Love the multi-angular approach here, side by side, compare/contrast- very cool. Thanks

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    1. Thank you Fred for your kind words. I think you also wrote one in such a format ~

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  12. Oh wow, see, that's what I am talking about, proper work of art, really nicely done! Very cleverly constructed, enjoyed it so much.

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    1. Thank you. I got the idea from someone else - that is the one of the benefits of reading a lot of poems :-)

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  13. This is a very nice subway poem. The alternate is interesting, the two sides mirror each other in opposing. And it's like passing into a fantasy as you go down the grey dull subway steps.

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  14. The two views were great, liked how well they played off of one another. Never even gone down such steps, I guess I hide my secrets elsewhere..haha

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  15. Beautiful split-rail ride.
    You really took us there!

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  16. There are, indeed, secrets we hide...

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  17. Like how you told two stories and tied them together, the passion just peaking above the water's surface.

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  18. Grace this is masterful. I've tried a couple of times to do something like this and both were failures. This works brilliantly! Each side speaking to the other, taking one to entirely different subterranean worlds!

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  19. Superb. Left me wanting more.

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  20. This really beautiful and the juxtaposition of subway and cavern is quite illuminating and powerful, like two parallel tracks that the soul rides, simultaneously repulsed and attracted by awe and wonder. The effect of light and darkness are artfully placed to produce a poem with many dimensions and rooms for response.

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  21. Looks like these are the thoughts of the woman my character is observing! Was late when I wrote mine so now a video performance in place

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  22. The cycle of weekend to Monday--terrible! Great flow and interchange. K.

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  23. hotspicywings@yahoo.com15 April 2012 at 11:33

    i love it!

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  24. i like the holding the nostrils and opinions

    alive on subway senryu

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  25. This is FANTASTIC! I love the juxtaposition and contrast of the two journeys. What a terrific concept..........great writing!

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  26. Hey! Left a comment earlier but doesn't seem I have shown up for some reason? :( is it in your spam?

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  27. Let me try again! I wanted to say that I loved the form in this poem- the two distinct track lines- or maybe indicating the sound of the wheels (click clacking) if their is such a thing! Also- the sentiment expressed I feel is very true- there are interactions that happen on the subway - eyes that meet but that things never said

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  28. wow...packed with intrigue and gorgeous lines, separate and entwined.

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  29. Wow, you did well with this prompt. So much depth / such a story / a poem I could savor. I couldn't come up with an idea for 'subway,' as it has been a long time since I have ridden. You did well. And yes, there are secrets when one goes underground.

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  30. Oh my word. What you have done with this is wonderful, the two separate yet combined journeys. This is simply delicious.

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  31. The poem is actually so captivating, I forgot that these were secrets until I got to the end. Good work.

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  32. oh heaven...

    i love your words here, and the image...
    titillated...

    yep.

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  33. I see myself in the reality of the left side, recalling the adventure of the right side. A great write!

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  34. Well done! Both sides flowed beautifully. I loved it (them?).

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  35. Superb write, excellent!

    Anna :o]

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  36. Such duality in this piece! Rendered my heart still, paused in this adventure, an amazing poem...the structure really shouts out at me, just awe inspiring! xoxo

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Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~