Photograpy - Tracey Grumbach
To love the black bird
is to come at best, third
after the clouds scattered by gun.
His eyes hungry for the sun.
To hear his song on your breast
is to embrace solitude beyond crest
the mountains, claws leaving me undone.
His eyes hungry for the sun.
To gaze into his eyes is to see
death's dancing in land of the free
answering winds, he is no one's clan.
His eyes hungry for the sun.
Posted for D'verse Poets Pub - New view for you - hosted by Brian Miller. I have altered the picture a bit to fit my poem. It is Black Saturday where I am, so here is wishing you all Happy Easter.
and Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Poetry form - Kyrielle with rhyming pattern : aabB, ccbB, ddbB, with B being the repeated line.
Original photography by Tracy Grumbach
I am participating in the National Poetry Writing Month here.
Look at you with a rhyme spun, to see is oh such fun. But yeah those like the bird always want to go beyond first to quench their thirst and everyone else takes second fiddle.
ReplyDeleteThat is nice to hear from the rhyming king. But I must tell you, I struggle with rhyming words, more so in a pattern ~
DeleteA struggle you passed though with the rhymes at your show.
Deletenice job with the form heaven...and yeah...if you love a blackbird then you just know you have to let him fly...that's what they're meant to do...smiles
ReplyDeleteThank you for the visit Claudia ~
DeleteNicely done, Grace. Happy Easter !
ReplyDeleteThanks. Happy Easter to you Ayala ~
DeleteThis is lovely. I think most of us have gone for the birds today. I wonder if it's because most of us (poets) are dreamers :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent job projecting the mood of distance, separation, and loss into that hunger that flies on dark wings where we can't go.
ReplyDeleteHow appropriate to write a Kyrielle. I love this. The repetition enhances the meaning and the images. Really beautiful!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I like the potosop on the pic, I strongly considered the same. I like it because you focused in on, creatively, on one bird, for a single thought about one man, hungry as a buzzard for the sun. That is my left field take anyway :) Great writing once again. And I am a big fam of repetition.
ReplyDeletenice grace...yep, i guess in some ways it is what you must know going into it...deaths dancing in the land of the free...is a great line...nice dance in your own words to set the tone...
ReplyDeleteGrace, that was beautiful. You have made the blackbird VERY loveable.
ReplyDeleteYou use the rhyme so well, and love the idea of clouds scattered by guns. K.
ReplyDeletei like his eyes hungry for the sun. just like we want to take off and be in the sky, he wants to go even higher than he can go.
ReplyDeleteOh you did a fantastic job with the form. I so love the crow.....you picked a PERFECT repeating line. Love it.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful, Grace. You are so creative. I love the opening:
ReplyDelete"To love the black bird
is to come at best, third
after the clouds scattered by guns"
This is beautiful! The repeating line is so perfect.
ReplyDeleteThis is a superb example of the kyrielle form - your rhyming always subtle and your subject matter just excellent. I thought the opening stanza was especially good.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kerry for the poetic challenge. I am not used to thinking in a pattern, so this was a stretch for me.
DeleteIt's a story of beyond. A story of wanting but frustrated by an inability to harness fondness and feelings to oneself. Great write, Heaven! The repetition is sweet!
ReplyDeleteHank
wonderful style and content...Only one suggestion:If you are going for the 'rhyme' go strictly for it without compromise...make it 'gun" instead of 'guns'
ReplyDeletealso 'clan' doesnt rhyme with 'sun'
Iam sure you can rework a wee bit and make it perfect!
ashok
Thanks for the feedback Ashok.
DeleteI had a bit of problem with that word as I couldn't find the perfect sound with sun. So I went with the closest sounding ending word, clan. I will have to come back to this to refine it.
instead of "he is no one's clan" you may try " he's clan to no one"....Its only a suggestion, You are the best to decide :)
DeleteThat last line is somehow haunting. Maybe it's the whole poem. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteI think it was the over-all mood for Black Saturday. Thanks for the feedback Dave.
Deleteyou are so descriptive heaven.
ReplyDeletei love how you paint colorfully with your words.
Wonderfully done...love how you put this together!
ReplyDeleteI was struck by the form of this poem and reread it several times...the last aloud as poetry is meant to be heard. I am thankful and honored you used my image to inspire you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the lovely words. Your pictures are stunning ~
DeleteHello Blackbird! Happy Easter!
ReplyDeleteI love this... "His eyes hungry for the sun"
ReplyDeleteSuch a tight brooding piece. You've done the altered photo and the Kyrielle form justice with this.
ReplyDeleteOops! Linked to the wrong poem. Here's may take on the challenge.
ReplyDeletehttp://wp.me/pPury-rl
A solitude I kind of admire but don't envy ...great write thank you for sharing x
ReplyDelete