Thursday, 23 June 2011

Friday Romantic Challenge: Love Hurts



they kiss slowly
like they have all the time in the world
they touch each other
like new lovers would
marvelling each muscle, each groove
whispering sweet words as 
each caress grew more ardently than the last
pressing into each other
they move into a rhythm 
delighted that their bodies fitted
sipping honey from each other's lips
the lovers pour their energies into their union
eyes shut, they clutch each other tight
she look at their clasped hands and 
wish that time will stop
it was their last night together
he was leaving in a few hours 
he said he wasn't sure if he was coming back
she bit her lips from crying out loud
her pleasure mixed with sadness
his love hurts

she will not cry now... no not yet 
later when he closes the door and leaves
until finally she is alone in the room
only then will she let the numbing pain wash over her
she thought her love was enough for him to stay
it wasn't
he was going back to his country and his family 
to fulfill his obligations, and maybe make amends
if before she wasn't sure who held his heart,  now she knew
he loves her but not enough to stay with her
No regrets, they have agreed
she somehow knew this was coming
she had prepared her mind for it
making plans here and there 
no, she will not cling or beg him to stay
she made light of his promises
no, she will not fall deeply in love
she is after all a woman of the world
she could have wanted any man from her own circle
Her heart whispered, I only want him.
her eyes prickle with warm tears
her body tingling from their coupling
his scent on the pillows, their stains on the sheets
his kisses and bites are stinging her flesh now
What she didn't anticipate 
was how much his love hurts  




   

Word count:   324
Author's Note:   This is my first entry to Romantic Writers Friday.   The challenge is to use 300-400 words with the words, love hurts.    Do check out the others participating this week.

I am flexing my writing skills with this challenge as I am not into full writing of stories yet.  
I love reading romance stories so it is a pleasure to read the work of others.  As always, thank you to everyone visiting my blog and taking the time to write me a note or comment(s).  

18 comments:

  1. Hello Heaven.
    Welcome to Romantic Friday Writers!

    This is a sad and touching piece.

    She knew what they had was not going to be a long-lasting relationship, yet when it came down to the crunch, she was still going to be hurt.

    No matter the situation, when feelings are involved and not reciprocated, one or both will always get hurt.

    You did well for your first RFW entry.

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  2. Yeah no matter the deals made, feelings always creep up and hurt works its way in.

    Really hit it out of the park with "love hurts" too

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  3. Hi Heaven - Like the name. Welcome to RFW. This was mesmerising, you really capture the connection love makes and how emotionally painful it is when that connection is broken. I look forward to more.

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  4. very nice bit of story telling...have not tried my hand at this prompt before...may have to give it a try...i agree with andy...breaking those connections ugh...yes sometimes it hurts...

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  5. lovely entry for RFW!
    love gives us everything but when suddenly it decides to leave us,it really hurts:(
    nice storytelling..:)

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  6. Hi Heaven, and welcome to RFW.

    A truly delightful piece of sensual writing. Touching, too, in essence of inner pain!

    My favourite sentence: "only then will she let the numbing pain wash over her".

    Those few words alone express how much "love" can "hurt/s". ;)

    best
    F

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  7. Hello Heaven!

    I can feel her turmoil - knowing the truth but still hoping love will conquer, then dealing with the pain when it doesn't.

    great to meet you in RFW :-)

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  8. Beautiful and intense. Great writing!

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  9. Very sensual and enticing, Heaven. Welcome to RFW.

    If I may suggest, may attention to tenses. You start in present tense, which is perfect "they kiss slowly," makes it very immediate, but in a few places you slip into past tense "The lovers poured" "They clutched each other." That's an easy fix.

    Then in the second stanza, you move into "she will not cry now" which is perfect. Now she's fighting to stay in the moment, but thoughts of the future - or non-future - intrude.

    I really like your ending with "love hurts" in both stanzas. Great job!

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  10. Loved the imagery and the building up of the scene.
    I wondered if the there was a tense shift in the lines: she look(ed) at their clasped hands and
    wish(ed) that time will stop

    I was hooked all the way through.Fabulous! :O)

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  11. Beautifully emotional, you have captured the theme perfectly. Congrats!

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  12. Thank you for the welcome and inputs to my writing.

    I actually started out with the past tense, then changed it to present. The going back and forth confused me too - I will edit. The challenge with writing a long piece is that I need another pair of eyes to check my writing. It is indeed a challenge to keep it focused and flowing.

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  13. fantastic entry heaven!

    grrr! love does hurt!
    your description of this was perfect!

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  14. For someone new to writing I'd say you have a pretty good handle on things. I still have trouble with past and present tense. Oh well, that is what critique partners are for and editors too. Well done.
    Nancy
    N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium

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  15. I enjoyed how vivid the imagery in this is!

    ...sipping honey from each other's lips...
    ...he said he wasn't sure if he was coming back...
    ...his scent on the pillows, their stains on the sheets
    his kisses and bites are stinging her flesh now...


    I know I'm no literary critic, but I found this very engaging.

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