Thursday, 28 February 2013

A spring sonnet




The falling snowflakes are fierce this morning,
Deceivingly soft, they sting like bitter 
Grapefruit on chapped lips, sharp as your absence

     The room shrinks to tiny, moved by mourning     

     Even the wind relents as trees shiver
     Like lost verses, cut from the roots, condense 

Air wraps the window, milky sheen turning 

Frosted glass, I trace your name in silver 
Then light up the candles with sweet incense 

    The pages in my hands turn to saplings  

    Your words echo, a deep tunneled river                      
    Reminding me to wait, with calm patience  

I whisper - come soon-  like spring , q
uivering
A thirsty bee, and I'll be a rose, unfurling







Posted for:   D'verse Poets Pub - Sonnet written in four tercets and a couplet. Rhyme scheme abc abc abc abc aa (or bb or cc).  I welcome constructive inputs on my writing.  Thanks for the visit.

42 comments:

  1. nice..i'm waiting for spring as well...can feel the yearning in your verse.. for spring, sun, the loved one...and i much like the pages turning to saplings...

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    1. Thank you Claudia ~ Can't wait for spring to come here ~

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  2. nice...love the couplet at the end...the come soon, like spring....also the writing of the name earlier one...well done as i could notice the form if i looked but if i wasnt it still flowed smooth.....

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    1. A challenge to keep the rhyming pattern of the form ~ Thanks for the lovely words and support Brian ~

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  3. To me this is the absolute perfect ode to the start of Spring. I love Spring so much because it always acts as a buffer to Summer and you can see things slowly changing. This poem helps me feel those exact vibes perfectly and I absolutely adore it.

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  4. gorgeous imagery filled with longing and the certainty of a knowing hope. your rhymes work seamlessly. wonderful poetry, Grace.

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    1. Thanks for the lovely compliments Jane ~

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  5. unfurling roses .... how sweet they smell

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  6. I am anxious for the start of Spring, it can't get here soon enough in my opinion!

    Because I don't have any of this:

    "Reminding me to wait, with calm patience"

    As always, thank you!

    Enjoy your weekend!!

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    1. Me too Elsie ~ Thanks for the visit ~

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  7. Nicely done - not easy to keep the rhythm and rhyme up and you've done a stellar job...very lovely

    http://leapinelephants.blogspot.ca/2013/02/beneath-mirrored-surface.html

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  8. Grace, what a glorious sonnet - loved loved loved the pages turning to saplings - what a thought - lovely - yes, we are all longing for spring! K

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    1. Thanks K ~ Spring is on our minds these days ~

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  9. Spring becomes the lover, both absent, both eagerly awaited. Smooth. Love the imagery, Grace.

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  10. The title alone "Spring Sonnet" leaves me feeling optimistic! Smiles. I really liked the image "the pages in my hand turn to saplings," which strikes me as an original way of saying spring IS indeed on the horizon.

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    1. Thank you Mary ~ I like to think so, though we are very much snowed under ~

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  11. I like this. The final line is especially strong but fragile.

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  12. Wish spring would spring already but this snow comes steady, more crap here tonight which is jut a fright. But you sure give off hope, so I won't reach for the rope lol hey it rhymed.

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    1. More snow on the way, yikes Pat ~

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  13. That yearning waiting can be felt so strongly and beautifully in your words, Grace. I love the last lines of you being the unfurling rose...to his thirsty bee.

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  14. I love your sonnet, especially the last lines that confirm the waiting for a lover's return and the quiet anticipation,,just as we are now waiting for spring :-)

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  15. Beautiful Trireme Sonnet here... As someone said, it's very difficult to conceive of a sonnet without touching on the theme of love; and in this poem, I can feel the pulse of a yearning beyond the metaphor of spring, the awakening of desire from dreaming. Spring, yes, but with that unfurling rose and the quivering bee, there is no stronger, provocative imagery. Beautifully done!

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  16. The first stanza just blew me away .. Stinging grapefruit .. And absence.. And then with spring all will be well. I can relate to that very much

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  17. yes, the grapefruit stinging the chapped lips got me right away...and a lovely buildup of mixed anticipation and some doubt..and ends on a happy not ;)

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  18. Especially liked the comparison of snow to bitter grapefruit. Wonderful sensory description there :-)

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  19. Like the way you convey the drawing in when weather dictates. BTW, the credit below the image you feature doesn't seem to go back to the artist: her name is Ann Baldock and if you want to credit her for this wonderful image, you can find here at
    http://photo.net/photodb/user?user_id=7000406

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  20. Superb opening, well sustained throughout. A fine poem.

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  21. Well Grace, once more you deliver a lesson in delivering sensual, sensitive romantic poetry. This is just gorgeous.

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  22. Sounds like waiting for a lover who was away for some reasons and expecting him soon !

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  23. ...a gentle & sensitive way to end a sonnet Grace... though i have expected a perfect pentameter here but your last line in your couplet counted 12... just noticed it... all in all i enjoyed it... thanks... smiles...

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  24. This is amazing:
    "Deceivingly soft, they sting like bitter
    Grapefruit on chapped lips, sharp as your absence"

    And this:
    "The pages in my hands turn to saplings"

    I really like what you did with the varied indentations of alternating stanzas. Very visually appealing.

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  25. I loved the pages in my hand, and the river. Such beautiful imagery in this poem.

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  26. Grace, I read your invitation for constructive criticism and went back and read your poem again. I wish I could offer something constructive, but it's hard when the poem is so well written. I can't speak to the form but I know that your words are so well chosen, they create the mood of missing someone. Also, the spelling of the words that give it a different meaning like morning/mourning-that's very creative. My 'critique' is not flattery. It's sincere. I really enjoyed reading this.

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  27. What a wonderful spring sonnet!

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Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~