Monday, 3 December 2012

Not I


Snowdrops (Model: Jane Morris)
Dante Gabriel Rossetti: Creative Commons


White snowdrop is gentle
Not I – a shrub with heartless blooms   
Dark secrets brew from my kettle
Spells of love doom                            
Adorn these walls of scentless leaves and nettles


Morning sky is faithful
Not I  - reckless as the sea tide
Searching for fruits – sourly brittle
Uneven sides
My words knife your chest – hush – death is gentle  


Poetry form:  5 Lines of 6-8-8-4-10 syllables and rhyming scheme of a b a b a~  

Posted for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Open Link Night and Sunday's Mini-challenge ~  Thanks for the visit ~

38 comments:

  1. Like the back and forth aspect as the comparision fly, hope you have a great day and no snow come from the sky.

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    1. Thanks Pat ~ Mercifully, no snow today, just sun shining and blue sky ~

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  2. I think this is an astounding interpretation of the portrait. There is something deadly and enticing about that face.

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    1. Thank you Kerry for the challenge ~ Took me time to write to the form and image ~

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  3. That last line really packs a wicked punch. Words can definitely be as hurtful as a knife, can kill a lot of feelings very effectively!

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    1. Words can hurt, so true Mary ~ Thank you for the visit ~

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  4. This is so beautiful and just sums up how I felt the minute that I stared at this portrait, amazing stuff Heaven.

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    1. Thank you for the compliment and visit Matthew ~

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  5. that death doesn't sound very gentle :)

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    1. Not at all ~ Thanks for the visit Marian ~

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  6. rather Shakespearean in spirit :)

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  7. This is such an original and unexpected response to the prompt photo - "Dark secrets brew from my kettle".......wowzers! Well done.

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    1. Thank you Sherry ~ The form was quite a challenge ~

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  8. you have taken the sullenness of the painting to an altogether different level.your words cryptically elaborate some of the ideas of the painting to create a masterly text.

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    1. Thank you Abin for the compliment and visit ~

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  9. I too think you captured the painting's mood!
    I love the lyrical notes, too
    Yes, it does have a Shakespearean tone~

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  10. nice texture in the leaves and nettles....interesting turn in the second stanza...esp that last line....the knifing and gentle...nice subtle contrast that....smiles.

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    1. Yes, I was striving for that effect ~ Thank you for the support and visit Brian ~

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  11. Surprisingly stark contrast. The first time through I tried to imagine what the opposing flower was. I never thought of the portrait! Even now, I'm inclined to think of the flower vs. the snow itself which cuts in its way. I love the images in the poem.

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  12. not gentle...
    not faithful...
    ahh, but oh so truthful.

    I like how each first line sets up the remaining to express what you are not. I also like the last line—for words can truly piece like a knife and because if how you bring the poem back to "gentle."

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  13. well done... gorgeous imagery and drama in this poem.

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  14. the image. the image of the words. stunning!

    i love the last line. i could just live in it for a bit. :)

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  15. oohh, Heaven, this took a rather wicked twist. I love it!

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  16. This is beautiful, Grace. I kept going back to this phrase: "a shrub with heartless blooms" because I know it means something to me, but I just can't extract the reason from my memory. It will come when it's ready. In the meantime — a wonderful poem. (Did you also link this to Sunday's prompt? If not, you should, although it works just as well for Open Link Monday.)
    K

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    1. That verse came to me in flash, thanks Kay ~ I have also linked it up to Sunday's prompt ~

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  17. Awesome as always Heaven. Not I -- scary. I love: 'Dark secrets brew from my kettle
    Spells of love doom ..'

    I've been off the blogs getting the first draft of my novel completed. Stopping by to say hi! :D

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  18. oh this is nicely done! What else will go with that picture. Great write...

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  19. Puts a little bit of...'killing me softly' into this. She is sweet but, deadly.
    Wow... very nice.

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  20. Beautiful! I've missed reading your work :)

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  21. Quite a lovely, lyrical piece when one considers it is a confession of betrayal! Well done.

    http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2012/12/03/therein-lies-the-answer/

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  22. beware of word knives - you got 'em Heaven!

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  23. Really a wonderful piece--I love hos lyrical it is in the face of the knives--great piece

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  24. Dark secrets brew from my kettle
    hush~death is gentle
    really cool stuff, Grace!

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  25. i LOVE the "Not I"s ~ great take on the form, Heaven!!

    hope all is well with you, dear!

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  26. The rhyme scheme is structured but it moves so free.

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Thanks for your visit and comments ~ I appreciate them ~